The Key to Happiness - A Regular Dose of Unhappiness
Most people would argue that happiness is much more important than being unhappy.
Is that really the case?
You won’t find books with titles such as 10 Easy Steps towards an Unhappier Life, or More Unhappiness: A Practical Guide towards a Sadder You (and if you do happen to find these books, I bet they’re not selling that well)
When you Google the word “happy” there is an astounding 2,7 billion results. Searching for “unhappiness” only yields around 80 million results.
Society clearly has much more interest in happiness than it has in unhappiness, but does that make unhappiness any less important?
No, it doesn’t!
Being unhappy is not important; it is extremely important and also absolutely essential!
Confused? Let me explain.
It’s All Relative
Close your eyes and imagine…actually don’t close them, otherwise you can’t read any further, so just imagine then, that every place on earth has the same temperature. In this world, the words hot and cold have no meaning, because, after all, everything has the same temperature.
Suppose then the temperature in the Arctic decreases while remaining the same everywhere else. Now, and only now, can we refer to the Arctic region as being cold. Why is this? Because now, and only now, is the rest of the globe relatively warmer than the Arctic region.
The temperature imbalance was first required to give meaning to the words hot and cold. Cold, being the one extreme, only found meaning once the other extreme of warmth found its meaning. The one extreme can’t exist without the other.
Happiness and unhappiness is certainly no different. Happiness after all is an extreme emotion, with unhappiness being the other extreme. Happiness only exists because unhappiness exists. It’s therefore essential to be unhappy at times so we can be happy during other times.
Still not convinced?
We’re all 55 Years Old
Let’s suppose that every single person on earth is 55 years old. In this make-believe world, people are neither young, nor old because everyone has the exact same age. The words young and old have absolutely no meaning in this world because every single person is 55 years old.
The arrival of a 15 year old alien will bring about the change. As soon as he lands on earth, an imbalance is created, giving meaning to the words young and old. Now, and only now, that someone (or is that something) younger than everyone else exists, can the words young and old have their meaning.
The people who are 55 were never old. Only after the arrival of the 15 year old extreme can they be referred to as old. The arrival of the 15 year old has given meaning to the words young and old. The one extreme exists, only because the other extreme exists.
Similarly, unhappiness has to exist for happiness to exist. If you’ve never been unhappy in your life, then what will your mind compare against in deciding whether a current emotion is a happy, or an unhappy one? It’s all relative and unhappiness is essential in making this relative comparison possible.
If you’re still not convinced, then…I give up! Well, maybe not just yet, so let me try another analogy.
The Poor make The Rich (or is it the other way round?)
Why are people rich? Sure, they work hard, but the word rich is a relative concept. A rich person may be someone who is worth $100 million, $10 million or someone who is worth only $1 million.
In some developing countries, a person who is worth only $10 000 could be considered rich. Why is this? People are deemed rich because they have more money compared to those around them, and not because of the actual sum of money that they have.
Rich people therefore exist only because poor people exist around them. The one extreme can only exist because the other exists.
It is crucial for us to experience unhappiness in establishing benchmarks against which we can compare our current-day emotions. If unhappiness does not appear in our past, we will have a skewed benchmark against which our minds compare the emotions we experience today.
Happy Meal
A person, who has had enough to eat throughout his life, will not be struck with happiness when presented with a plate of food, simply because he has never experienced the unhappiness associated with being hungry. To him it will be just another meal.
A person who has faced starvation on the other hand, has experienced unhappiness because of his lack of food. When this person is presented with the same plate of food, he will be overjoyed. His happiness results from the unhappiness of not having had enough to eat in his past.
Unhappiness plays a vital role in life. In fact, it is absolutely essential for us to know unhappiness, if we ever want to know happiness. Without unhappiness, there will not be happiness; only a dull and monotonous journey filled with mediocrity.
My advice?
Enjoy the happy moments when they come. Don’t be perturbed however when you are unhappy; it’s a necessary and essential part of life.
Paul van der Merwe is the author of the book Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen!
Is that really the case?
You won’t find books with titles such as 10 Easy Steps towards an Unhappier Life, or More Unhappiness: A Practical Guide towards a Sadder You (and if you do happen to find these books, I bet they’re not selling that well)
When you Google the word “happy” there is an astounding 2,7 billion results. Searching for “unhappiness” only yields around 80 million results.
Society clearly has much more interest in happiness than it has in unhappiness, but does that make unhappiness any less important?
No, it doesn’t!
Being unhappy is not important; it is extremely important and also absolutely essential!
Confused? Let me explain.
It’s All Relative
Close your eyes and imagine…actually don’t close them, otherwise you can’t read any further, so just imagine then, that every place on earth has the same temperature. In this world, the words hot and cold have no meaning, because, after all, everything has the same temperature.
Suppose then the temperature in the Arctic decreases while remaining the same everywhere else. Now, and only now, can we refer to the Arctic region as being cold. Why is this? Because now, and only now, is the rest of the globe relatively warmer than the Arctic region.
The temperature imbalance was first required to give meaning to the words hot and cold. Cold, being the one extreme, only found meaning once the other extreme of warmth found its meaning. The one extreme can’t exist without the other.
Happiness and unhappiness is certainly no different. Happiness after all is an extreme emotion, with unhappiness being the other extreme. Happiness only exists because unhappiness exists. It’s therefore essential to be unhappy at times so we can be happy during other times.
Still not convinced?
We’re all 55 Years Old
Let’s suppose that every single person on earth is 55 years old. In this make-believe world, people are neither young, nor old because everyone has the exact same age. The words young and old have absolutely no meaning in this world because every single person is 55 years old.
The arrival of a 15 year old alien will bring about the change. As soon as he lands on earth, an imbalance is created, giving meaning to the words young and old. Now, and only now, that someone (or is that something) younger than everyone else exists, can the words young and old have their meaning.
The people who are 55 were never old. Only after the arrival of the 15 year old extreme can they be referred to as old. The arrival of the 15 year old has given meaning to the words young and old. The one extreme exists, only because the other extreme exists.
Similarly, unhappiness has to exist for happiness to exist. If you’ve never been unhappy in your life, then what will your mind compare against in deciding whether a current emotion is a happy, or an unhappy one? It’s all relative and unhappiness is essential in making this relative comparison possible.
If you’re still not convinced, then…I give up! Well, maybe not just yet, so let me try another analogy.
The Poor make The Rich (or is it the other way round?)
Why are people rich? Sure, they work hard, but the word rich is a relative concept. A rich person may be someone who is worth $100 million, $10 million or someone who is worth only $1 million.
In some developing countries, a person who is worth only $10 000 could be considered rich. Why is this? People are deemed rich because they have more money compared to those around them, and not because of the actual sum of money that they have.
Rich people therefore exist only because poor people exist around them. The one extreme can only exist because the other exists.
It is crucial for us to experience unhappiness in establishing benchmarks against which we can compare our current-day emotions. If unhappiness does not appear in our past, we will have a skewed benchmark against which our minds compare the emotions we experience today.
Happy Meal
A person, who has had enough to eat throughout his life, will not be struck with happiness when presented with a plate of food, simply because he has never experienced the unhappiness associated with being hungry. To him it will be just another meal.
A person who has faced starvation on the other hand, has experienced unhappiness because of his lack of food. When this person is presented with the same plate of food, he will be overjoyed. His happiness results from the unhappiness of not having had enough to eat in his past.
Unhappiness plays a vital role in life. In fact, it is absolutely essential for us to know unhappiness, if we ever want to know happiness. Without unhappiness, there will not be happiness; only a dull and monotonous journey filled with mediocrity.
My advice?
Enjoy the happy moments when they come. Don’t be perturbed however when you are unhappy; it’s a necessary and essential part of life.
Paul van der Merwe is the author of the book Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen!
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