Saving the World, One Birthday at a Time

If you haven’t ever hosted a child’s birthday party, you might not realize that it’s basically an episode of 24 minus the national security plot line. Who could keep track of what Kiefer Sutherland was doing anyway? Not me. My middle child, Daphne’s, birthday is this coming Tuesday, but we hosted a party for her on Saturday. She played a terrorist and I played Kiefer Sutherland. Later, we ate cake.

Going with my 24 theme, here’s the cast:

Birthday girl:

Me. I even sort of look like Kiefer.:

Husband:

If you’re wondering why you weren’t invited, it’s because I didn’t invite anyone who wasn’t loitering on our lawn already (Hello, Keenans!). I was trying to keep it low key. “Low key” meant we started the party at 4 a.m. when Daphne climbed into bed with me. “Of course you can cuddle, but you need to go back to sleep,” I said. I followed this up with, “Stop touching your brother. He’s sleeping,” about three hundred times, to which Daphne replied, “Oh, I thought that was you. That’s my brother?” (She knew.) Then, we got up.

Cut to 6:00 a.m. House looks like it normally does, sort of like I hosted a frat party two nights ago and only sort of cleaned up. Daphne says, “Mom, maybe you should clean AND DECORATE the house.” Then, she and her siblings get out inflatable pool toys to use in the living room.

One of the major subplots of this birthday party happened to be a swing set. Harley, my husband, started building it on the morning of the party. He would dispute this, but he doesn’t read my blog. Just looking at him, I wouldn’t have been able to tell he was working. For at least two hours he disappeared. Both before and after this lost time (do all men do this?) he asked the same question, “Sam, have you seen that Menards bag with brackets in it?” I responded, “You mean the one in the garage?” Him: “None of the Menards BAGS (note the plural) in the garage have brackets.” So he went to Menards. He needed some chain anyway. Note: If you round up, we live in a 1,200 square foot house. We use 350 square feet of this to store products from Menards, many of them in their original packaging.

I don’t remember enough about 24 to recall the usual episode structure. Still, I do remember that at the end of each episode the president is still alive and Keifer Sutherland is still freaked out. Both were true of Daphne’s birthday party. (Keep in mind that I am still playing Kiefer Sutherland.)

Until Next Monday,

Sam

P.S. Thanks for bringing donuts, Amelia and Ryan! If you are still reading and wonder who Amelia is, she has a blog of her own filled with fashion advice. Also, thanks to the rest of Wagenknechts and Keenans for christening the swing set.

P.P.S.: For those of you still reading, here is photographic evidence of The Party:

The piñata, made by my older daughter. Note the adorable girl casually waiting to smash it to pieces.

During the party. This is what a real child party looks like when the adults have abdicated control and added Airheads candy.

The aftermath. From all appearances, I might as well have had thirty drunken college students over, but no, they’re just some adorable little girls.