Saying Good-Bye For the Last Time

You know, I actually battled myself on whether I would write a post about Cheryl.  For those of you who don't know me personally, last week, my best friend from middle school passed away, very unexpectedly.  She was only 36-years-old.  To say that our group of friends was shocked is a complete understatement.  I can't even imagine what her family, husband, kids, and best friend/soul sister are going through right now.  

And that's why I was hesitant to post this.  Her death isn't about me and how I feel and I don't want to come across that way.  I have to be honest when I say I didn't really know the adult Cheryl that well.  We kept in touch via Facebook, but the last time I saw her was when myself, Cheryl and Cheryl's best friend, Agata, went to the wedding of a mutual friend.  I was in the wedding but after dinner, I sat with them and...well...let's just say we enjoyed the open bar while our bewildered husbands watched.  It was like time hadn't passed at all.

Last week when Agata told us that Cheryl had passed, I was stunned.  I was home alone and sat on the couch just staring outside.  It wasn't until my Mom came home and asked what was wrong when the flood gates opened.  I guess I didn't believe it until I said out loud.  Cheryl Freymuth (Reynolds) died.  And I lost it.  Cheryl had a seizure and died.  She went to bed one night, had a seizure and died.  I just don't understand.  And it sucks that it took her death to make me realize how much I truly missed her.  So that's why I'm writing this post.  Just because we weren't the best of friends anymore doesn't mean the memories evaporated and my God, did we have a lot of memories.  

Yesterday, I found my 8th grade yearbook.  Cheryl wrote a message that took up about 4 pages.  It was filled with private jokes that I had long forgotten but made me laugh hysterically when I remembered.  A couple of jokes I can't seem to place but I'm sure they meant something ridiculously funny at the time.  Some of our jokes:

"Can you see what I'm saying?  I think you see what I'm saying."  We heard this song (Ponderous by Two Nu) and thought it was the dumbest thing we ever heard.  The lyrics make no sense so whenever we didn't understand something that the other was saying, we would stop and say, "Can you see what I'm saying?"  And then other person would say, "I think you see what I'm saying."  

"Hey you!  You in the black jacket!  I think she's playing hard to get."  This happened at Troy Daze, the annual festival in Troy.  I was wearing my black Smith Knights jacket (because that was so totally cool) and these random guys walking behind us starting catcalling.  We were in 7th grade.  Boys were still a mystery, especially strangers that catcalled us at Troy Daze.  

"Oh my God!  I forgot to take Alfred Hitchcock!"  My brother, who is two years older, never hung around me when I had friends over...except for Cheryl.  It wasn't a "crush" thing.  That was just Cheryl.  She embraced everyone and everyone was pulled into her magnetism.  One night when my brother, Cheryl and I were hanging outside, all of a sudden, my brother who is a HUGE Alfred Hitchcock fan, stood up and yelled, "Oh My God!" Startled, Cheryl and I stood up too.  What was going on??  "I forgot to tape Alfred Hitchcock," my brother proclaimed.  The three of us had a good laugh about that one for a long time.

These are just a few of our private jokes.  There were more but I think I will keep those to myself.  I now keep a picture of us (the one above) on my desk as a reminder that no matter where you are in life, no matter what you are doing or how busy you may seem, you are never too busy to talk to a friend.  

I've been asked in the past if I regret anything in my life and I always answer "no."  I truly believe that everything that has happened in my life has led to where I am at today.  Now, my answer has changed.  I absolutely regret that we kept pushing off meeting for coffee because there was always a next time.  Of course, now there is no next time and that's a really hard lesson to learn.  I hate the fact that it took Cheryl's passing to make a lot of her friends realize that we might never get a next time.  

Before I end this post, I completely forgot about a poem that Cheryl and I used to quote.  She wrote it in my yearbook as a reminder to always dream:

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow. 

-Langston Hughes

I love you, Cheryl.  I miss you, my friend.