"We haven’t spoken in weeksand tonight the sky is the colorthat it was when we had bothrealized..."

“We haven’t spoken in weeks

and tonight the sky is the color

that it was when we had both

realized that someday our lives

wouldn’t be as easy and as nostalgic

as it was in that exact moment.

I’m on my second cigarette

and it hasn’t even been an hour

and I can’t seem to force myself

to go inside because the sky,

the colors, these clouds remind me

of you and when things didn’t

feel as difficult as they do tonight.

I miss you, and I don’t care

if you find out. I love you,

and I don’t care if you don’t

love me back because my heart

isn’t made-up of who did it better

or who felt what more.

I’m looking at the sky

and I’m thinking of ways that I can

get you back or at least

get you to forgive me.

Now I’m on my third cigarette

and I stopped listening

to the sounds of my neighbors

drinking and singing along

to the first day of summer songs.

I miss you and you’re not here

and I don’t know where you’re at

or where you’ve been, but somehow

I can still feel you here. Somehow

I can still see you before you turned

against me and I see you in that loose

summer dress, dangling a joint

in one hand and your hopes

in the other. I should have helped

when I saw that your hands

were full, because I did see

but I didn’t help and now I am here

sitting underneath a sunset

made-up of your favorite colors

and you’re nowhere to be found.”

- “To the first day of summer,” -Colleen Brown