Writing Exercise

We received two suggestions for writing exercises in the comments this week: that we do our own version of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, and that we do a scene in which Evil Editor tries to convince the College of Cardinals that he should be the next pope. So let's kill two birds (cardinals?) with one stone. Write the pope scene, which can be EE's monologue or a dialogue with the head cardinal (the cardinal cardinal). But the first sentence of your scene must be a sentence bad enough to pla