Trusting the Journey
I ran into a woman who lives not to far from me the other day when Hattie and I were out on our morning walk. She told me that she had just signed her divorce papers and we talked about various things including my wedding this weekend. As our conversation came to an end, she told me that I give her hope.
This isn't the first time I've been told that, particularly since my fiancé entered my life and now with my upcoming marriage.
It's been nearly four years since I found myself and divorced and many parts of my future unknown. I don't regret my first marriage as it has made me who I am and I learned a lot. But what I do understand now is how, as someone once told me, we all stay too long. We do this because we don't believe it's supposed to end, because we want to make it work, and because it's also comfortable.
Sure it sucks, we might be treated not so well, and/our our needs are not met. I could go on with a long list of reasons why a marriage could be bad. But the reality is that for many people it's easier to stay than it is to move on.
While the marriage might not be good, we still had someone to do things with, that companionship that someone was in the house– although maybe the opposite end of it!– and we weren't alone.
Setting out after divorce means that we will be alone for a period of time and we might not know how long. I know that feeling well although I kept myself busy taking care of me and making the most of the time I was given to travel the road of life by myself. I remember one day sitting in the office of the priest who helped me with my annulment and I said that I was worried I would end up alone the rest of my life like a woman with a bunch of cats (forgive me, cat owners– I do like cats, I was simply using the stereotype to explain my feelings). Before the words were completely out of my mouth, I knew I was wrong.
"That's not going to happen, is it?" I asked him. He shook his head, knowing full well one day I'd be married again.
However, I didn't know when that would be and found myself in a variety of complicated relationships (I'm not even sure they deserve that much credit) and then life handed me something that has made all the difference in the world in who I am.
In the next few weeks, there is much I will reveal but for now I'm enjoying a weekend full of activities with family and friends from around the globe.
And as I go forward on my journey, I think of the high dive. We are so afraid of going off it– in life it's the equivalent of a new journey– yet there is a huge exhilaration that comes with it when we find ourselves flying through the air and landing in the water. So what do we do? Get in line and do it again.
Take the plunge off the high dive. Trust the journey. I did and it's been worth the new road ahead.
