Things Not to Write a Novel About

I know there are going to be some cocksure writers that will try it anyway–or perhaps trendy writers–but I decided to blog on the hardest kinds of novels to write. For the impossibility factor, or for originality’s sake and to not be uber redundant, these are the worst paths to follow for a novel, in my humble opinion: ghosts, vampires, or zombies.

 

Vampires and zombies I shouldn’t have to explain; they’ve been so overdone I’ll refuse to read a novel if written about either. But the ghost story is just too damned hard. I can’t even count a handful of writers who did it successfully, yet some were good tries, like The House That Jack Built by Graham Masterson. Alas, tryin’ ain’t doin’, though. Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House and Stephen King’s The Shining and Christine are the only ones I can think of that succeeded, that’s how hard writing a novel of haunts is.

 

Ghost stories are easier to do in movies, where you can show the audience the spook in creative and insidious ways and freak them out. I have a number of films about ghosts that I value, but even great movies are rare. Some subjects are just too difficult for the written page, though. I once had a horror tale written in Biblical times that didn’t get published because the editor said it was too hard to do. I did it anyway, and it failed miserably (at least in sales; I still value the story).

 

I know, I know, you’re going to try it anyway. Good luck (only for the ghost stories).