Things We’re Afraid To Say

Why are we so afraid to be honest these days? Why are we so afraid to tell it like it is? I get being sensitive to others, but for some things, it’s just better to be honest.

Things we’re afraid to say . . .

I love you.

Having met my husband at twelve, this one was never an issue for me. But so many people struggle with this. I suppose I understand. Love is a deep emotion, and there’s no going back once it’s on the table. Once you admit to loving someone, you are just ripping your chest open, giving that other person the opportunity to shred your heart to pieces. But I think the old saying, “Nothing risked, nothing gained,” applies here. Love is painful and difficult . . .but it is also beautiful and breathtaking.

I don’t love you anymore.

We live in a fairytale world sometimes where the prince and princess live happily ever after, no matter what. I think that if you study enough about human nature, you’ll realize this isn’t the case. This sounds crazy coming from a romance writer, but I pride myself on being a realistic romance writer. There aren’t always happy endings; love can’t overcome every obstacle in life. If it could, there wouldn’t be divorce. So I think sometimes we have to understand as a society that people change, passions change, and sometimes you have to admit this. Love is a big piece of living a fulfilling life. When that love changes, I think we owe it to ourselves to admit it.

No, your haircut doesn’t look flattering.

Or that shirt doesn’t look nice on you. Or no, that eyeshadow isn’t awesome. As women especially, we are so afraid of hurting each other’s feelings sometimes. I think it’s wonderful to build each other up. But I also hope that my friends and family value me enough to tell me the truth. My mom is my best friend, and I know I can count on her to tell me that my eyeshadow choice is atrocious or my hair looks manly. She tells me when a dress makes my hips look huge or when I need to hit the gym. This doesn’t destroy my confidence; in fact, it does the opposite. I know I can count on her opinion to help make me my best self.

No.

I pride myself on being a modern woman, the anti-1950s housewife. I am strong willed, I am opinionated, I am career oriented. I can’t bake an apple pie to save my life.

Yet remnants of our past culture still haunt us if you ask me. There’s still this “yes” motto of women. We are afraid to be considered unhelpful or selfish or witchy. I think that the “yes” mantra goes along with that. If someone wants me to do something or to go somewhere for them, I feel pure guilt saying no, even if I don’t want to. I feel like I say yes to every favor asked of me, every invitation just because I feel like it would be rude to say no.  I think that it goes back to living for yourself. It is not selfish to think of what you want in life. Life is too short to live solely to serve other people. So next time your friend says, “Hey, can you do this one thing for me?” and you really can’t do it, just say no. End of story.