A Bipolar Disorder Blast from the Past.. it’s always something!

This is a blog post from 2009. I’m sharing it today because it shows how far I have come and how far you can come when you get a management plan that works. I read this and realized that these work and depression episodes don’t happen to me anymore. My depression, mania, anxiety and psychosis are always lurking, but they are under control. I have tools for the situations I describe below. I write about them in my books. I NEVER thought I would have the life I have now, but I do. I’m happy, stable and I CAN WORK! 

From 2009

I always know I’m depressed if I wake up and suddenly hear an avalanche of negative thoughts.  Sometimes I wake up and think- hmm, what fun things do I have to do today? Those are miracle days where I just get out of bed and look forward to the hours ahead.

I had extreme trouble sleeping last night. True insomnia- it’s so different from mania sleep issues. I had to take two ativan (A benzodiazepine/anti anxiety med) – two ativan means I will get really tired this afternoon. I usually stick to one. But at least I finally got to sleep around 2:30 AM.

This means I lost the hours of work I was going to do this morning. What can I do but just get on with it! I’m lucky I didn’t have a deadline this morning.

I’d rather be tired than depressed. I made a list of my plans for the day. I made one last night before I went to sleep as well. This helps if I wake up depressed!

Have you ever thought that IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER! and it always helps to get out of bed before the thoughts take over. I did that this morning and vacuumed my room. I’ve been upset with myself for weeks because I didn’t vacuum my room. It takes more time to worry than to DO.

Julie

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2015 update: We can get better! I lived with this kind of depression for way too long. There is a way out. It doesn’t have to be like this and life can be good.

 

Related posts:
Bipolar Disorder in the Early Morning
Bipolar Disorder and Sleep: I want to fall asleep on my own tonight
Sleepy vs. Side Effect Drugged Sleepy