10 Things I Learned from Grief and Pain
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Who likes pain and grief? I don’t. But if I have to go through it, at least I can be thankful for its lessons.
Here are 10 things grief and pain have taught me:
1. Life isn’t smooth, nor is it supposed to be.
Grief isn’t weird or negative. It’s not a disease of some kind. It’s a natural and normal response to a loss.
2. I’m not in control.
I can’t stop losses from coming. How I manage life’s hits is going to determine a lot, so I better get good at grieving.
3. Grief isn’t just about death, but about loss of any kind.
Loss comes in many forms: disappointment, abuse, conflicts, estrangements, separations, divorces, moves, financial tragedy, job termination, etc. Many things can cause pain.
4. Grieving well and healing doesn’t just ‘happen.’ It is a choice.
I must intentionally invest in the process. I don’t have to let my wounds determine my life. I can heal, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be the same.
5. Grief can be a catalyst to deep and powerful growth.
Very little growth and maturity has occurred in my life without change and some degree of uncomfortability. I heal, but the scars remain. When life bumps my scars, it hurts. This is natural and normal.
6. Grief changes my relationships because it changes me.
I’m not the same. My grief and healing process will bring me closer to some people, but distance me from others. This too is natural and normal.
7. In some senses, I never stop grieving.
It’s always there, right under the surface. I can let the grief bursts come. This honors my loved one, and helps me heal.
8. Grief taught me to be real, and who to be real with.
Not everyone is helpful in my grief process. I’ve learned to get around people who help me grow and limit my exposure to those who don’t.
9. It’s better to feel the pain than to stuff it.
Grief taught me that whatever I stuff gets buried, only to resurface again. I’ve learned to feel the pain, as much as I can, and work through it. As I do this, over time I’ll grow and heal rather than spinning in circles covering the same ground over and over again.
10. I can use my pain for good.
If I’m willing, grief and pain can teach me compassion and acceptance. I can let them motivate me to reach out and help others heal. As a bonus, I heal a little more too.
A recent radio interview
I talked about some of these things, and a lot more, in a recent radio interview.
The interview covered:
What grief is
How grief operates
The impact grief has on us
How to begin to recover and heal.
There are some commercial breaks, so feel free to fast forward or jump ahead. And please note:
the views and beliefs of the interviewer do not necessarily reflect mine, and visa versa.
Moving Through Grief Toward Healing on Voice of America Radio — Click here
Grief is a part of healing
Grief hurts. It should. Rather than waste the pain, let’s learn from it. If we can begin to see grief as part of healing, we’re one step further down the road of recovery.
