How I gave up smoking
Oh come on! It is not hyperbole or a sweeping statement. Someone told me writing How-To kind of articles is good for making money, and I had to try it out.
Moving on …
Wait. Before I start this post, let me weed out the readers
PTB aka Powers that Be comprising of parents, authority figures and sundry gods and goddesses, with utmost humility I would request you to kindly leave. I have a hard enough time as it is, dealing with much loved but non-authority figures who think they are the PTB, to actually deal with the genuine article.
Doctors, psychologists etc. who would love to debunk my tested and successful (so far) method of kicking the butt.
Big Tobacco for the same reason as above
Judgemental people who would turn up nose and tell me it is a lousy habit. I know it is but I enjoyed smoking all these years … I know goddammit!
Jealous and unsuccessful kickers-of-the-habit.
If you are still reading, wow! Thanks. Very pleased. Much obliged.
Every year I go through the same ritual when cigarette prices get hiked. I curse, using ethnic Punjabi words that would put a street urchin to shame. And I try to cut down and then slowly get back to the same old routine of smoking. Every year …
April went by and May came along. Not only was the price of a packet of 20 cigarettes at Rs.230/- pinching my pocket, I found that they tasted awful. But I still reached for a cigarette when I wanted to think, when I visited the loo, after meals, sitting on the balcony watching folk walk past, when I stared at the stars at night … in short, every time I wasn’t actually doing something with my hands.
I did not smoke while driving my car. I did not smoke while cooking or during my morning walk. I did not smoke at my office desk. I did not smoke while …
I don’t know, but there must be plenty of situations when I did not smoke, like in front of the boss (PTB).
They say it takes a village to bring up a child. That may as well be true, but it takes a city, a pharmacy and a whole lot of technology to help you quit smokes. I met this guy at one of those interminable long boring religious rituals. The ceremony went on and I caught him staring at the door longingly. Hoping he wanted the two things I did, I whispered, “You want to go out and smoke?”
He glanced at his Iphone and muttered, “Just 15 minutes more. You want to?”
I nodded.
No, it wasn’t a sleazy offer, it was an unhealthy one. Sleaze is healthy, youthful and infinitely more fun. We went to the roof where he offered me a smoke, lit one himself and only after that was done did we introduce ourselves and we made polite conversation. In that order. When we moved on to our second cigarette did I ask why he checked the time when I asked him if he wanted to smoke. Apparently, he had been a chain smoker but had now learned to time himself. He gave himself a gap between cigarettes. He was proud of being able to go 40 minutes before he lit one.
I said nothing, just stared at my second cigarette while he lit his third one.
While I cooked my paleo low-carb meal, using healthy organic ingredients and spices I grind at home, I laughed at the irony of it all. I put in so much thought into what we as a family eat four times a day, when I was going to cancel all the health benefits the moment I lit up a cigarette. And it never stops at one cigarette does it?
A few weeks later I tried my first nicotine gum, and threw up. Chew a couple of times and let it sit under your tongue, the friend who introduced me to them suggested. Park and chew, she said. She omitted telling me that the thing tastes bad, catches the throat and often the person chewing it gets nausea.
Well, one lives and learns.
Through trial and error, I have discovered that I have parking space in my mouth for just half a piece of gum. More than that I can’t park and chew on grounds of overpowering nausea. I even tried E-cigarettes. Bad idea.
Around this time I discovered the world of Audible and audio books. The first book I downloaded and listened to was a fantasy called The Name of the Wind by Patrick Ruthfuss. Admirably narrated by one of the finest voice actors of our times, Rupert Degas, it caught me. Spell bound, I listened in a daze, pausing only to work. Even while I worked I found myself longing to get back to the book. I had headphones on while cooking, I plugged on an ox cable and listened to the book while driving. No distance seemed too much, I wanted to drive at any hour of the night or day. Four days and five nights I listened to the book, tearing myself away with great reluctance to do whatever I had to without headphones.
I was hooked.
Strangely enough, I forgot to smoke. Or rather I found myself not taking ciggy breaks at all. Whenever the urge hit me, I parked half a gum in my mouth. I’d pause, chew and park, return to audio book or back to chores I need done before I return to my audio book.
I haven’t bought a packed of cigarettes for the past month or so. Maybe I’ve kicked the habit. Or, more likely I have replaced cigarette addiction with addiction to gum and audio books. And the clock on my smart phone. Hmm, it is 45 minutes since I paused my audio book. Let me chew and park a bit of gum and plug on my head phones. I need to get back to Kvothe.
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