Well this is just confusing

Yesterday, I decided to change my medication dosage.

Stop panicking, waving your hands about, and gasping. I only play with my medication to the extent that my psychiatrist has authorized.

Due to my cycles being long, drawn out, things, I need to adjust my dosage accordingly. I am very sensitive to the ticks, twitches, and tells of my cycles, and thus, after the first year, my doctor said it was acceptable for me to control my own bump and reduction of my one med.

During bad times, I take two 500ml and one 250ml. When that passes, however, the extra 250ml can get in the way of my ‘get up and go’, so I need to lower it. Some years, I find that dropping it just never is a good idea, others, it works fine. These last few days, I’ve felt a bit disconnected – the interest and desire to ‘do’ existed, but the actual ‘doing’ wasn’t as strong as I’d like. So I decided to skip my 250ml last night.

I did warn my wife – fair is fair.

Last night turned out to be ‘ one of those nights’ when my brain wasn’t racing but had no interest in sleeping. I don’t think the one lead to the other – just fluke. I went to bed at 3 am – and my wife woke me at 9 am. Not nearly as much sleep as I like to get

So this morning, while I ingested coffee to kickstart the day, I found myself torn. Part of me was revved up and rearing to go – the other was slogging through mud up to its eyebrows. Sleep deprivation meets a less controlled impulse drive. Part of me couldn’t wait to get going, doing social media and hobby crafts. Part of me wanted to beat that side t o death and use its body and pillow to go back to bed. The latter impulse was subdued – with promises of an early night.

So now I am tired and feeling a bit dragged out physically, while inside I’m a bit jittery and ready to get things done.

Well – at least I did warn my wife.

Filed under: Mental Health, MIscellaneous