GaryView: A Vampire Christmas

Lissa: Merry Christmas, Gary!

Gary: Merry Christmas, Lissa!

Gary: Cuppa?

Lissa: Yes, please! And fruit mince pies!

Gary: Yeah. They made them at the bakery down the street. They smelled good.

Lissa: They look good too, but oh god, I am still so full from Christmas lunch yesterday with Kate!

Gary:… Oh.

Lissa: …But not so full that there isn't room for another fruit mince pie. My Nanna used to make those every Christmas. Mmmmmm.

Lissa: Here, I've got something for you.

Gary: Ah. Thanks.

Lissa: Trust me. You look very festive.

Gary: So do you.

Lissa: I don't usually do the silly headgear, but Beatrice wanted us to look suitably Christmassy for the Christmas Eve kids' storytime at the library, so, you know. Antlers and Santa hats.

Gary: Oh. Well. They're. Um.

Lissa: Ridiculous, I know.

Gary: Yeah, but, you know, fun. You look…. happy in them. Leave them on. If I tried I could probably make this play Jingle Bells.

Lissa: You probably could.

Gary: I got you something too. Um. I forgot to buy Christmas paper. Sorry. I'm not used to the Christmas thing any more. When I remembered and went to the shop, there were… too many people. It was so noisy and I felt… I don't know. Out of place. Then this little kid ran into me and I sort of tried getting into the Christmas spirit and smiled at him, and he screamed and took off. Because of… you know… Anyway, I came home. I found this paper in a box in the spare room.

Lissa: Someone should show that kid The Nightmare Before Christmas. Don't worry. Thank you for thinking of me. This looks lovely, and very neat!

Gary: Yeah. I like getting all the lines straight.

LIssa: I got something for you too.

Gary: I know. My hat. Thanks.

Lissa: No, silly. That's just so we had matching ridiculous headgear. Here.

Gary: Oh.

Lissa: Go on. Open it.

Gary: You first.

The Elements. She flips it open and leafs through the pages.>

Lissa: Wow. This is gorgeous. Those photos are incredible…

Gary: Read the opening, and the entries.

Lissa: Listen to this! "The Periodic Table is the universal catalog of everything you can drop on your foot." This is so cool. It's funny science!

Gary: But still proper science. But like stories too.

Lissa: It is! Wow. Gary, this is perfect!

Gary: You said once that you liked the idea of the periodical table being all organised but you didn't really understand it. I saw this and I thought it might help.

Lissa: It's beautiful! Thank you! Here – open yours!

Gary:

Lissa: Gary?

Gary: Yeah?

Lissa: You okay?

Gary: Yeah. .

Lissa: I hope the shirt fits. It's from this website called Think Geek. It's for the geek types who like to stay inside and do science.

Gary: I like to stay inside and read about science.

Lissa: … Does it fit?

Gary: Looks like it will. A dinosaur plant.

Lissa: I thought it could go with the cactus I got you. They live a really long time, even if you forget to water them, according to the website anyway.

Gary: That's really cool. It comes with Genuine Volcanic Lava Rock.

Lissa: Do you like it?

Gary: I liked it when I thought I just had a Christmas hat. This is ace. Just a minute.

< Gary jumps up from the table with the t-shirt and disappears. Lissa sips her tea and leafs through the Elements book. Sometimes she laughs. A moment later, Gary returns.>

Gary: What do you think?

Lissa: That's a good fit.

Gary: It is.

Lissa: Here. There's one more thing. I know you can't eat it, but Kate made the most awesome Christmas pudding with brandy custard, the way Nanna used to, and I thought you might like the scent of it.

Gary: … Yeah. Yes I would.

Lissa: Merry Christmas, Gary!

Gary: Merry Christmas, Lissa. Thanks. For…you know.

Lissa: I know. You too.

*For newcomers, the GaryView is a review of books/films/TV/entertainment carried out as a conversation between Lissa Wilson (librarian) and Gary Hooper (vampire) , characters from my book 'The Opposite of Life'. Visit my website for more information.