Change Isn’t Possible, but Choice Always Is

Synopsis: people are always trying to change things… usually other people… and annoy themselves when the “same old thing” occurs. They miss the point: Change Isn’t Possible, but Choice Always Is

NOW Available!

You likely know that I have a separate site for my books–The Phoenix Centre Press. I mention this because Darbella and I have been editing a work of fiction from a new author, W. Asher Charles.

The Kindle Version is available here, and
the Amazon paperback is here.
I’ve linked to Amazon.com; if you shop at other Amazon locations, just search for W Asher Charles.

The book is called Walking Through, and it’s a sci fi adventure complete with a Zen flavour, ninjas, sex, and the multiverse.

(Please note! Adult content!)

From the back cover:

Roberta Thatcher is fresh out of grad school, dating her roommate’s father, and starting a new job at a company known for its secrecy and weirdness.

And that’s the good news.

Roberta soon finds herself fighting for her life, trying to decipher the mysterious Newman Corporation, and to keep her hands off her hunky boss.

Then her younger sister cracks up, her much older ex becomes a threat, Ninjas start popping up everywhere, and Roberta is confronted with the reality of the dangerous Multiverse.

And the world goes on, oblivious to the dangers — wars, uprisings, provocateurs in our midst. Clueless right-wing politicians dither and distract with “anything goes” legislation, and the troubles only grow.

It’s up to Newman & Co. & Roberta to join the fray. To turn back the curse of the Red.

Sci fi. Sex. Ninjas. The Multiverse.

What more could you ask for?

If you’d like to read a sample (Amazon limits us to releasing 10% of the book as a preview, and it’s just over 110,000 words) we’ve set up a pdf of the first few chapters. You don’t even have to jump through hoops, just right click here, and then save the file to your computer. Then, if you like it, keep your eye out for a release e-mail.

Change Isn’t Possible, but Choice Always Is
Last week’s article on self-sabotage came with a promise of this article… a bit of a look at the problems connected with the idea of change.

The title is actually a quote I first heard at The Haven in 1998, while attending Phase 3. I’m pretty sure Ben Wong said it, although there’s a small chance it came from Jock McKeen. Sounds like Ben to me, though.

Let’s see how the quote unpacks.

Later, I’m going to emphasize the word “always,” but let’s start at the beginning. Whenever I hear the word, “change,” my head flashes back to an episode of All in the Family. Archie is trying to be sympathetic, a difficult task for him. Edith has just entered menopause, and is not a happy camper. She’s having hot flashes, and her temper flares, and then she’s crying.

Finally, and this is Archie, he’s had enough. “Edit’. If you’re going to have a change of life, you gotta do it right now! I’m going to give you just 30 secods. Now, come on. Change!”

She smiles an Edith smile, and says, “OK, Archie!” Then, she heads off to get a phone number, leaving Archie smirking. He makes a comment about how he should have made his demand sooner and saved himself some trouble. He then asks Edith if she found the phone number.

Edith screams a bunch of stuff, ending with “Get your own number!” Archie, bemused, says, “Well, back to the groin-o-cologist.”

Most of us would dearly love to be able to change others, and even occasionally change ourselves. Mostly others, though, and that’s what a lot of our gripe sessions feature: “If only others would see the light and ‘just behave,’ my life would be great!”

Because, of course, blaming others for messing up our lives is pretty simple. And phew! Off the hook again.

It’s ironic, how easly we think all of this ought to work — state a “change-point,” and have it happen. “Edit’! Change!”

Except when it comes to ourselves, and then we’re quick to point out that “change is hard.”

And we’re almost right. Change isn’t hard. It’s impossible.
What is possible, our quote tells us, is choice.
25 — when it all began

Last week I made mention of my free Watcher booklet, and mentioned my affinity for depression. My first go-around with this was in my 20s, and I quickly started therapy, and continued with it for decades. I began it for a silly reason — to come up with a way to change from ‘depressed guy’ to ‘chirpy guy.’

I quickly discovered that “Change isn’t possible.” The whole situation got worse before it got better. Suicidal ideation became my middle name.

Then, I created The Watcher. This was a shifted perspective in my head that I could implement, using it to stabilize myself. The key was, I had to break myself out of my doom and gloom stories, and walk another path. I had to make another choice.

My last go round with this was in May of this year. I woke up in a blisteringly bad mood, and proceeded to make it worse. Darbella’s good with me, and quick to remind me to pay attention to what I’m doing. After a couple of hours of digging a ditch for myself, I pulled myself out, using Watcher techniques.

Change isn’t possible, remember? But choice is.

This is so for all of us. If something isn’t working, we have to choose something else. If we are not communicating, we have to communicate. If we are blocking our emotions, we have to emote.

But here’s the bugger in all of this.

We have to choose always.

A week ago, Ben’s quote again popped into my head, and I heard it with new ears, and realized what Ben had said. Before I re-heard the quote, I had missed the “always.”

There are 2 ways to define the “always” in our sentence:

You could, of course, take it to mean “any time,” as in “…but you can make another choice any time.” That’s how I had thought of it.

Another choice