Where Summer Spends the Winter

What Hell Really Is . . . to me We're here to fish…

Where Summer Spends the Winter

As a result of our recent snowfall, it appears this will be a White Christmas in New England. This is as it should be I suppose, but Florida (and even warmer climates) sure have an appeal this time of year.

As I write these words, I know that scores will rise in protest, claiming the joys of life up here just below the ice cap. Yet, if the merits of cold winters are so abundant, I ask, why do so few people travel this way for winter vacations (other than to go skiing)? Wouldn't the travel industry have already capitalized on the joys of life up here if it's so wonderful when temps drop below 32?

When I read the travel section of the Sunday paper I see trips to Miami, Aruba, and the Virgin Islands. Funny, though, there isn't a single competing winter trip to the north. If there were, it might read something like this:

Day 1: You will arrive at Boston's Logan airport. In order to provide a genuine New England experience your flight will be delayed due to de-icing and problems with connecting flights. Upon arrival, you will identify your luggage and proceed to the outside waiting area where you will be greeted by gale force winds. For an extra charge, a hospitality photographer will be available to capture this moment for you. Our transportation service will then pick you up and take you to the traditional New England home you have reserved. We have arranged for curb-to-curb transportation service. Upon arrival you will be given a free complimentary snow shovel so that you can clear the foot of snow that has fallen on your driveway.

Day 2: Given your long flight and airport delays, guests will sleep-in on Day Two. Room temperatures will be set at 68 degrees, dropping down to 60 degrees at night to induce sleeping and deter any interest in getting out of bed at night. Guests are encouraged to sleep in and plan for a late start, as this will be your leisure day. After a breakfast of muffins and oatmeal, you will shovel the driveway and sidewalk once more. As an option, guests may decide to use the snow blower provided in the garage. Following snow removal, guests should plan for a problem with the furnace, which will take the rest of the day to remedy.

Day 3: Celebrate Day Three outdoors! After two days of snow, you should expect bright skies and dry vivid weather. This is winter at its best. Enjoy the options of downhill or cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, sledding, or skating.

Day 4: After the wonderful outdoor experience of Day Three, guests will travel into the city by car, allowing you to simulate a day of work and practice driving in the snow and dodging other drivers who share an inability to control their vehicle during wintery conditions. Mid-day, you will be invited to return home due to the harsh weather. In order to provide a full experience on this day, you will be allowed to leave the office at 3pm, just as the storm begins, placing you in a three to four hour traffic jam. Once you are off the highway and break free of traffic, guests are invited to goose the gas and experiment with fish-tailing, sideways skids, and extreme tire spinning. Day Four ends with more shoveling. Note: use of the snow blower is not allowed as it no longer works.

Day 5: Day Five completes your New England stay. While we make no guarantees of the weather, guests in December and March should expect sleet. This day will allow you to practice walking on ice and experimenting with the art of clearing an ice-encased windshield. After breakfast, you will return to the airport.

Day 6: The agenda for Day Six mirrors Day Five for those travelers whose flights were cancelled due to grounded aircraft.

Now don't get me wrong. As a kid, I loved skiing and playing hockey. I built snow forts, sledded and tobogganed, and even made a few bucks shoveling neighbors' driveways. I wouldn't trade those days for anything. Neither would my childhood friends. But I'm at a different point in my life, and guess what, I'm ready to go where summer spends the winter. So if you're living in a warm climate house by the water and longing for the five/six day dream trip outlined above, give me a call or shoot me a note.