The Art of the Dick Pic: Part Two

And furthermore! A surprising number of the aforementioned genitalia snapshots that I received were of flaccid members, and I just want to put this out into the universe: no one likes that. It doesn't even look good on The David, and that shit is art. So, here are my Top Five Tips for Sending Dirty Pictures:

1. Know the individual to whom you are interested in sending a snap of your cash and prizes.
2. Ask him or her, "Would you like to see a picture of my junk?" 
3. Wait for their response. If -- and only if -- they reply with an unqualified "YES!" then drop trou and get to work.
4. Make sure you're at full attention, and remember that most women do not like disembodied penises as much as you think they do. So maybe snap it in the mirror, get a little ab and thigh action goin' in that photo. 
5. Slap a filter on that bitch and make it all artistic. Because remember that once you put it out there, it's out there for good. THE INTERNET IS FOREVER.

And now, for the ladies who want to get all sexified and send a sultry selfie to the men and/or women in their lives, I give you this: Buzzfeed's 33 Impossibly Sexy Boudoir Photo Poses. You're welcome.