Self Doubt
We all suffer from it at some point in our lives. That crippling self doubt that makes us question everything we do. It sucks.
I have written and self published eleven stories now. The Zombie Apocalypse series has been a consistent seller with great reviews. Sure, it hasn’t sold a million copies or even a thousand yet, but it’s chugging along and some people at least seem to like it.
People I don’t personally know have told me, or others who know me, that my writing has improved throughout the course of that series. They say that the books are well written and they love the characters.
Why then, when it’s time to work on a new project am I doubting my ability? Doubting my ideas and the stories themselves? It really does suck.
I have begun three different stories since I completed the finale of the zombie series. The first one, a steampunk style third person perspective story reached around a thousand words. The next, an urban paranormal story in first person perspective reached nearly eight thousand words before the doubts and questioning came.
The third, my latest is a superhero story. I am around five thousand words into it and I have a rough outline set in my mind for the entire story, but every single darn time that I open up the word document to continue, I will sit there and stare at the page and nothing happens. I worry that it will be no good, that people will hate it, that it won’t sell and as a single parent trying to start a writing career, I need the sales.
Then I look around at others, the people who release their first book and it sells several thousand in the first month. I read those stories to see what is different and honestly… some of them are terrible, yet they are outperforming my own. Which just adds fuel to the self doubts.
I just beta read a story for another writer and to be honest, it wasn’t great. The writing was okay but the lead character was annoying, it was cliche filled and I cannot stress how much I am sick of the same tired old Vampire, Werewolf, Girl love triangle.
The worst part of all was that nothing happened to the main character. Everything fell into their lap, there were no real conflicts to resolve for the character. It was from start to end, a series of everything going the characters way with no real danger or struggle. In short, it was boring.
So I dutifully finished the book and filled out the form that the author had provided to give my views. I didn’t hear anything back and wondered if I had offended so I sent an email to check they had received it and they replied.
Yes, they received the feedback and perhaps it was just not to my taste because all the other beta readers loved it…
I am still learning as a writer and I don’t argue that, but I have read books for thirty plus years and I know a good story when I read one. I know what keeps me turning the pages to find out just what happens next to the character, to the story.
To have that reply, just adds to my doubts. Do I in fact know a good story? Do I understand what makes the reader keep reading? Do I have any business offering advice on someones story?
Maybe it’s time to give up on writing. I know I’ve only been working at it for a year but I have to ask is it worth the amount of stress on my already weak self-confidence?
I know that I am depressive by nature and I’ve always been a worrier, but I don’t know. Maybe I should give up. I hate that I’m feeling this way because I genuinely love seeing my stories out there, seeing people enjoy them.
Honestly, I don’t know.
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Simon wrote: "Hello,I felt exactly as you have described above a week ago, the amount of money spent covers editor etc, sometimes you just feel like what is the point when your work is not selling. Making mone..."
Hi,
You are so right that it is incredibly difficult to get noticed. One of the ways to increase the chances of being noticed are through marketing and promotion which is great, except it costs money.
So if you have money to start with, you have a good chance of making more from selling your books. Sadly, for those of us with less resources to work with, it makes it even harder to have people notice us because it we aren't advertising with Bookbub or whatever, then our work musn't be good enough.
It's lots of little things like this that have discouraged me. I enjoy the writing and I love when people respond to my stories, but I have children to care for and limited time which could be spent doing something that does reward me financially for the effort. I mean, as much as we love people reading our stuff we would like to earn money from it too.. that's why its on Amazon and not Wattpad.
i understand, Amazon kdp is so overrated in my view i check my sales just greeting with the same lovely fields of green each day, zippo
I felt exactly as you have described above a week ago, the amount of money spent covers editor etc, sometimes you just feel like what is the point when your work is not selling. Making money is not all it is cracked up to be in writing i have found that out much to my own experience. I have decided to go down the book series route to see if that makes a difference, but for now i am doing a lot of reading then will go back onto the writing side of things. It is frustrating when you speak to people and they sell 50 copies a month from one book or more, i sometimes question it to be honest. I think the main problem is there are so many indie authors now it is near impossible to get noticed.
Take care.