How to survive literary parties: tips from Francis Plug

The shy but not exactly retiring author offers some tips on getting through publishing bunfights, and meeting the great unwashed

A recently unearthed letter from Philip Larkin described literary parties as his “idea of hell on earth”. He saw such gatherings as “a lot of sherry-drill with important people”. Yes, this sounds awful, agreed. But for the modern author, it’s not just the literary set you have to cope with. It’s the great unwashed as well. You’re expected to sherry-drill with unimportant people, too.

More than 30 Booker prize-winners were forced to deal with me, for instance, as I researched my book Francis Plug: How to Be a Public Author. I’m not even particularly interested in literature, let alone charismatic, or socially blessed. Some people have actually found me “unbalanced”, or in Martin Amis’s case, “psychotic”. But this hasn’t prevented me from speaking with them. And let’s face it, most famous authors are a bit unbalanced too.

Related: Dread of literary parties led Philip Larkin to shun Oxford poetry professorship

Related: Drinking, brawling, mayhem. I loved the parties Philip Larkin called ‘hell on earth’ | Philip Hensher

Dear Anita,
Hi, it’s me again. Sorry for the barrage of mail, but I still haven’t heard from you. You’re a busy woman, I understand perfectly, so I’ll try and keep this succinct – you already know all about my gastro/indigestion problems!

To recap, I’m trying to get books signed by all the Booker prize-winners, but I think you may have been hiding from me. Don’t worry, it’s fine, it’s fine.

Related: Francis Plug by Paul Ewen review – the Dennis Pennis of fiction

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