Mindset

So I’ve been reading this book. Mindset, by Carol Dweck.

I’m one who enjoys self-help books, so … *hands you a couple grains of salt*

This book has been incredible for me

Fixed Mindset

The idea behind the book is simple — People who live in a fixed mindset belive that aspects of themselves are relatively unmovable, which leads to a fear of failure (or appearing to fail) and a slew of unhappy expectations about life being A Certain Way. This leads to frustration and unhappiness when life refuses to conform to those expectations.

Growth Mindset

On the other hand, you have people in a Growth Mindset who believe that hard work and effort are the keys to success, and failure is simply a step along that path. Life is constantly changing and setbacks are new ways to learn.

Pagecount

While it’s not a huge book by any means, it’s not a slim hour-long read, either.

The *length* of the book is just example after example in various situations ranging from education, to family, to sports. Every once in a while I’ll get a new “huh” moment from the rest of the book, but the majority of the impact came fast and hard.

I’ll admit to skimming the sports chapters. =]

Mixed Mindsets

As I read the book, I can see myself falling on both sides of the fence in various categories.

Take relationships, for example. A fixed mindset says that if a relationship is HARD, it must not be meant to be. Fixed mindsets give up fast and early when problems arise because they believe themselves (and other people) to be A Certain Way.

In this case, I’m of the Growth mindset. Relationships are hard because PEOPLE are hard. Granted, you gotta know when to give an unhealthy relationship the boot, but you can’t just give up when you truly realize that you are two different people with different opinions and experiences.

Education

I am only so Smart, therefore, I cannot solve this puzzle because it is too hard for me. That’s the fixed mindset talking.

The growth mindset LOVES harder and harder puzzles. They love feeling challenged and even failing because they know they will be smarter afterwards.

If you’d asked me if I thought people could get smarter, I would have completely agreed. But if you asked me if I want to work on something really challenging that I might fail at (even in a field I am interested in, which may not include puzzles) OR if I’d rather work on something comfortable and relatively easy, I know which I’d pick.

Failing at something does make me feel stupid. I feel like it SHOULD be easier for me, and when I don’t do as well as I expect, I assume that the failure is some deeply-ingrained thing in me.

That feels pretty silly to type out, but I’ll bet some of you know exactly what I mean.

Talent

As this is a writing blog, let’s talk about talent for a moment, shall we?

If you’re not BORN with some ingrained writing talent, why bother, right? The ones born with the talent will always outperform you, because they are inherently better at it.

That’s the Fixed mindset, of course.

The Growth mindset says if you want to be a better writer, GO OUT AND LEARN.

Growth mindset folks will very often (according to the examples in the book) far surpass their “talented” Fixed mindset folks. This makes perfect sense to me because when the early stuff comes easy to you, it becomes a LOT harder to push through the difficult stuff.

You start asking yourself whether the fact that it’s hard means maybe you’re not supposed to do it.

It’s always focusing on The Way Things Are Supposed To Be.

I want to be a writer, so writing should be easy. I shouldn’t fail, or at least not this often.

That fear of failure is often why bright lights burn out so quickly. They convince themselves that they’ll never be able to duplicate their previous success. They’ll let other people (and themselves) down. They’re a fraud, a charlatan, and everyone’s going to figure out they don’t really know what they’re doing.

Growth mindset says you’re always learning and every setback is more training, more information.

More and Yet More

There are a ton (TON) more great examples in the book, and I do very strongly feel it’s worth reading just to see how often you see yourselves in the examples and phrasings. There’s also a lot in there about praising children (if you praise them for being “smart” they then worry about whether or not they’re smart enough and will often not challenge themselves in ways where they would appear less smart — but if you praise them for working hard, they often look forward to more difficult tasks. It’s very subtle)

A Missing Piece

One thing that the book hasn’t addressed (I’m not quite done with it, and it might) is this … if you make the effort to change your mindset (and you CAN change your mindset!) but you still live in a world dominated by Fixed mindsets, there are some pretty steep hurdles.

Failing in front of a boss or coworker who has a Fixed mindset cements in their mind The Way You Are. It can be difficult to then redeem yourself and regain lost face. I think this is pretty dominant in the Technology Industry — I don’t feel a lot of that pressure at my current workplace, but I would say most of the folks I talk to around here suffer from this constant need to Seem Smart.

I think that even though the book hasn’t talked about the pitfalls, it’s a minor thing compared to how horrible and squished it feels living inside the Fixed Mindset. That constant oppressive anxiety and fear and irritation with the rest of the world when things don’t go right.

Me

I’m working on identifying when my mindset is Fixed and finding ways to rephrase or reframe situations so that I can see them from a Growth mindset.

You

Does any of this resonate with you folks? The book does a better job of explaining things (which is what makes it a good book) but I tried to hit some of the high notes.