Worry Time

Everyone worries… well almost everyone. I’ve met a few people in my life that seem to have totally taken a pass on the worry gene. And then there are the folks who worry to excess, about everything, all the time.

If you are tired — literally and figuratively — of the worry, if you can’t seem to get a good night’s sleep, if you’re constantly full of dread, you may need to take a few lessons in how to worry effectively. Since it’s unlikely that you will stop worrying completely — and I don’t think there’s anything healthy about no worry — doing it in a way that serves you as opposed to causing you undue anxiety is the next best thing.

It’s time to take control of your worrying.

One of the biggest downsides of chronic worrying is that those worrisome thoughts seem to be able to invade a will. You want to take back control of that by setting aside a specific time to worry. Yes, you’re going to schedule your worrying time. During this worry appointment, you’ll think about what’s causing you to feel axioms or nervous.

Why invite worry? Simple. Worry is going to show up the party whatever you do, wouldn’t you rather it be on your schedule?

It’s not as easy as simply making a date to sit and worry. The first step in effective worrying is the hardest: you must learn to recognize when you’re heading into a worrying territory and catch yourself before you get too far into it. You will acknowledge that you have concerns, that something is bothering you. And then you must set aside those thoughts because you have a specific date and time for doing this worrying. It is during Worry Time that you’ll re-engage with those thoughts.

It can be tough spotting when your worry thoughts have invaded and cutting them off at the pass. It takes practice. I know. I had to take control of my worry demons or I would have had a horrible life. As a master of the worst-case scenario, I could ruin something wonderful before I even had a chance to start it. I remember laying in bed beside soon-to-be Husband #2 who was 21 years my senior. While other brides-to-be were planning weddings and honeymoons, my overactive worrier had killed him off and left me to deal with life without the man I loved. How would I know it was time to get up in the morning if I didn’t hear the toilet flush and the shower run? Cripes! I wasn’t married yet and I was planning poor dude’s funeral.

I had to take things in hand. I had to find a way to be more in control or my worry instinct would rob me of all the pleasures life could hold. I worked hard at it. And you will have to as well if you want to learn to put worry in its place.

Yes, you will feel the urge to worry. When you catch the anxiety crawling into your blood, breath deeply and say, “I see you, Worry, I know that the presentation is scary. Let’s talk about it this afternoon at four.” Don’t forget how you felt. You’ll need that to get into the worry later. Take note, set aside the feelings and move onto something that can distract you from Worry.

Once you’ve arrived at Worry Time, don’t try to do anything else. You want to give the worrying your full focus. Think about the worry or worries that invaded your thoughts. (If you find you tend to forget what you were worrying about, make a note at the time of the worrying.) Think about why the worry cropped up. Was it valid? Was it random? Was there a warning you need to think about?

There may have been a real purpose to the worry: perhaps you’ve overlooked something you need to focus on; maybe you haven’t done enough practicing to feel confident. If there is validity to the worry, make a plan for how you’ll take care of what has to be done. If the worry seems random and without merit, think about what else is going on that may have triggered the worry to show up in disguise.

The point of Worry Time is to put worry in its place. But it is also to study the nuances of your worry so you learn to understand it.

Learning to banish worry to it’s own time doesn’t come naturally, but it is worth the effort. Be patient with yourself. You don’t need the added pressure of worrying about how you’re worrying. Over time, with practice, you’ll to master worry, using it to your advantage instead of letting it be the tail that wags the dog.