Eliminating Toxic Relationships

 

 

 

 

 

 

Relationships make us or break us. They bring positive energy into our lives, or they sabotage it. Many relationships we have on a  daily basis are static or neutral. They serve a function that has no direct impact on your life. But what about other relationships such as wives/husbands, parents and people we work closely with in business. If your toxic centre emanates from one of these areas, it is having a direct impact on your mindset. The wrong relationship could destroy you; the right one could empower you to do great things.

Why Toxic Relationships Suck

Let’s take an example here. What if you were raised in an environment that did not support you. At every turn you were criticized, belittled, or made-to-feel-less-than at every chance. You would no doubt develop something like an inferiority complex, fear of rejection or, you would go on to pass the same thing to your children. The culture of a toxic relationship is You would inherit that toxicity from your family. It would condition and establish itself as your character. You wouldn’t be able to shake it off like you would a bad cold.

Now, all grown up and living your life, whenever you come into contact with your parents or parent, those feelings are still there. And maybe that person still treats you the way they did when you were a child. The toxicity of this relationship is still at work. The dynamics rarely change but get worse over time. This is why choices, and tough choices, have to be made. Are you going to continue feeding int this, or can you cut the ties altogether.

Now, some of our toxic relationships are not that easy to just get rid of. But, at the very least, you can stop spending as much time around people that make you feel bad. Who needs those negative feelings? And I know how disempowering they are. You can spend weeks or months building up your self-confidence, and then, the one person that has the potential to ruin your confidence comes into your day and you crumble. Your confidence collapses like a weak foundation and you are feel like you are back to the beginning.

Toxic relationships suck because they carry a heavy element of negative energy. You feel powerless when around such people. Feelings of shame, powerlessness, self-defeat, and inferiority are just a few of the feelings that come with it. You are powerless to escape. It could be a boss or superior at work; a parent or brother or sister.  Whomever it is, you have to find a way to compromise with the person, distance yourself from him or her, or break away altogether.

How to Avoid Toxic Relationships

First of all, before you can make the decision that a relationship close to you is causing grief, let’s take a look at what a toxic relationship is. A toxic relationship is any relationship that:

damages your self-esteem;
kills your confidence
makes you feel “small” or “indifferent”
saps your energy and leaves you feeling drained;
creates an unbalance in the relationship with one side dominating or controlling the other.

You get the idea. This kind of relationship, if it is part of your personal life or someone at work, has to be changed. If you try to stick it out and change yourself to please the other person to make their behaviour less toxic, the result will be more demands made on you that you can’t measure up to. Most “toxic people” are so lost in their own control dramas that they rarely see the reality of the situation.

Toxic relationships have to be dealt with. There are really only three ways to do this:

1. Make the relationship better and more positive through communication and mutual understanding. If the person you are struggling to get along with is reasonable and willing to listen and communicate, what you thought was a toxic relationship turns out to be broad differences that can be understood. This would be a win-win situation for you and the other person.

2. Avoid the relationship. This is only possible if it is someone that you don’t have to deal with on a daily basis, such as a coworker or extended family member. If you are in a marriage or relationship that you have to be with that person everyday, dealing with the dysfunctional drama is extremely;y stressful and will wear you down over time. Avoidance works in the short run but if you have to deal with a toxic situation day in and out, avoiding it is an impossibility.

3. Get rid of the relationship altogether and distance yourself. This has the best results when you can walk away. Many situations we can do this, and some we can’t. If you are working with toxic people, you might have to toughen it out until you can find a better job. The problem is, there is no guarantee that your next place of employment won’t have a similar situation. This is why learning to deal with difficult people is a skill you should try to master a little bit every day. This way, instead of just fleeing every time a tough situation comes up, you can try to reconcile it. Or, just tell the other person straight up what you think of them. Don’t walk on egg shells for anyone. Let them know what you find to be unacceptable behaviour. Is this easy? No, but try it a few times and it gets easier.

ACTION TACTICS

1. Identify a relationship that is making you miserable, causing stress, worry, loss of sleep, or depleting your confidence. What is the nature of your relationship? What have you done to this point to change it? If you confronted the person, how was their reaction?

2. Now, what would be the worst thing could happen if you separated from this relationship? Would separation be the ideal solution? Would it be realistic? How would you feel if you put some distance between yourself and the other person for at least 30 days?

3. If a relationship in your life is causing you pain and stress, consider your options. Map out the situation and ask yourself “How would I feel if I took action on this right away?” You might feel fear at the moment, but try and look ahead to the next day, the next week, and the next month.

4. Make a decision to act. Do something. take the first step towards dealing with your “toxic situation” because you know that you are the only one can change it. Don’t waste a minute trying to or waiting for the other person to change. Focus on the change you can make.

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