listening to feedback and rewriting

After you have been in a writers group for a while, you realize one really important thing. Some people rewrite well. Some people don't. I'm not sure I can explain what makes the difference, but I saw it over and over again. You are there one week, reading a first draft, and then at the next meeting, that draft comes back and you hear it again. Your reaction is one of the following:

1. This is completely different, but has all the same problems as the old draft.

2. This is completely different, and has all NEW problems compared to the old draft.

3. This is not different at all. I think the writer changed two commas and a sentence somewhere and that's it. Didn't she hear anything we said?

4. This is better. Not perfect, but farther along than it used to be.

5. This is different, but it's worse than it was before. Somehow, what we told the author actually made him ruin what was good about it before.

Of course, just because one of these things happens once doesn't mean you're going to be either brilliant or utterly unsuccessful. If it happens over and over again, however, a pattern emerges.

I'm afraid that for a long time I tended toward #2, occasionally hitting #4. Sadly, there were times for me still when I am #5 and that usually means it's time for me to put the book in the proverbial drawer and never look at it again.

I see the same thing when I am at conferences or when I do critiques, though on a more limited plain. Some people ask a question and then shut up while you answer. They nod, maybe make a note, and then ask a question as a followup that shows they heard you. Other people ask a question that shows they misunderstood completely, probably willfully. And still others ask a question that veers off in another direction. I always wonder from my side what this means about people in real life. If you are a good listener and a good rewriter, are you better in a relationship? If you are a bad rewriter and obstinate, do your relationships fall apart? I have no data to suggest this is true, but I wonder it nonetheless.