#FREE READ Sunday! Crossroads…a Butterfly Memoir Mini- Chapter 5
Welcome back!
Last week we revisited Trevon and got to learn more about him. He loves basketball and coaches a youth basketball team in his down time. You also meet one of his good friends, Andre, and watched as her ran out the gym to meet his wife at the hospital as they welcomed a new life into the world. Left alone, Trevon now has his evening plans set; shower, shave, and head out to a local bar for drinks and well….who knows…
Where does that leave Ebony?
*Just tuning in? Catch up by following these links to the previous chapters!*
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Ebony
“Oh, my God, they are so cute!” Dr. Tucker and I were in the back office of the zoo, watching a stream of photos taken of the baby pandas. The image of the pink-skinned, hairless newborns that lay against their mother’s fur attached to nipples, suckling, was huge on the computer screen. Their eyes were sealed shut. “Twins, how amazing!”
My boss chuckled. “Having a flashback?”
I giggled. “Maybe. Being a twin has been pretty cool. Though I’m sure if Trevon was a girl instead of a guy it would have been way cooler.”
“You have a twin?”
I glanced over at Kenneth, our go to person since the day Dr. Tucker and I started training at Zoo Atlanta. He watched me intently with chocolate eyes, waiting for a response.
I realized that in my enthusiasm to learn more about the pandas through the video slide presentation he shared with us, I’d slid my chair over too close; our shoulders were nearly touching. I inched back.
Without thinking, I inhaled, taking in the musk of his cologne. It was different from what Brian wore. His sent was sexy, male and held a hint of sweetness. Kenneth’s was…
Oh god, why did I care what his cologne reminded me of?
“Yes.” I kept my response short and turned my attention back to the screen.
Kenneth had been flirting with me since the day we arrived. I made it known from the beginning that I was a happily married woman and had no intention of having a fling while away. He didn’t seem to care and used every opportunity he could to try and get to know me outside of work.
And by the look he had in his eye right now, another invitation to dinner was in the works.
“Alright, guys, that’s all for this evening. As you see, we like to leave on time and it’s already after five. What do you two have planned for your days off?” Though his question was to both of us, it was obvious my answer was the only one he cared about.
“Sightseeing,” Dr. Tucker replied while closing up his binder full of notes. “What about you, Ebony?”
“Spending the weekend with Brian. He’s flying in tonight.” I forced myself to mean it, making sure the lie was hidden in my eyes and voice.
It seemed to work; Kenneth’s shoulders slumped.
Soon, I was in my rental car and headed back to the hotel for a weekend that consisted of food from the hotel’s kitchen, and going over the compiled research notes provided to us from the Zoo Atlanta staff. While I did have a scheduled date with my husband, the only way I would see Brian would be through our Skype session.
At the hotel, I took a shower and ordered room service. My fluffy robe was my only source of comfort. I snuggled between pillows on my bed and pulled the lapels up. The TV was on for background noise while I was in the shower, but now I flipped through the channels to find some form of entertainment. I stopped when the show my best friend Kaitlyn, worked on as Head Costume Designer came on.
Before I knew it, I was wiping a tear from the corner of my eyes. Though I missed my husband like crazy, I missed my friends as well.
Kaitlyn and her chubby baby girl and new man, Antonio, who made her the happiest I’d seen in a long time. After a rough patch, it was good for her to have happiness in her life.
Then there was Yasmine and her bouncing twins. At six months, they were a handful. Listening to her share the adventures she and Zack had as parents was very entertaining.
As satisfied as I was with my life, why did I feel like something was missing?
Deciding not to focus on anything negative, I retrieved my backpack out of the closet and pulled out the research papers on the Panda breeding program.
The binders supplied to us the first day of our training at the zoo were jam packed full of information about the joint breeding program. Years of research was being conducted at Zoo Atlanta and the Chengdu Zoo and Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding in China. There was a lot to learn.
After flipping through the Table of Contents, I selected the chapter on Captive Giant Panda Maternal Behavior.
And there it was, babies again. Why did it feel as if this was a theme I could not run away from?
The beep on my laptop shown the incoming connection from Brian. I forced the irritation out of my mind and off my face so he didn’t get the wrong impression, then clicked the accept button.
“Ebony, baby, God, I miss you.” I watched my husband’s blue-eyed gaze travel across the screen as if taking in as much of me as the screen could allow; his visual confirmation that I was okay.
“Hey, baby, you’re early tonight. I thought you had to work for a few more hours.”
“I forced the guys to get done early so I could see my wife. You look tired. Are you sleeping okay?”
“I’m fine.” I chuckled as Brian’s eyebrows creased in disbelief. “Physically, I’m fine. Work is great, but I really miss you.”
Brian’s sly grin spread. “You know, you can always quit and come home.”
“Uh, no, and stop trying to be slick.” I shook my head, but my smile was genuine.
Brian chuckled, too, before becoming serious. “I’d never ask you to quit. You know that, right?”
I nodded. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have your support. I’m still sorry things had to be this way in order for my career to advance.”
“Hey, my job was the same way and you supported me. I’d be a jerk if I didn’t give you what you wanted.”
The words coming from my husband were sincere, of that I had no doubt. Yet, there was something in his eyes that said something different.
We were on the same page…yet we weren’t.
My stomach tightened. Although Brian had been supportive in my coming to Georgia for two months, there were still some things I felt hadn’t been addressed before I left. It wasn’t as if we had a lot of time to thoroughly talk the situation through.
When the job offer was made, I had a limited amount of time to accept it. Once I did, time was of the essence. The San Diego Zoo was looking to start its own Panda Breeding Program, and the two people who would be in charge of it, Dr. Tucker and I, needed to be trained. Zoo Atlanta was one of the few zoos in the country who had an ongoing breeding success rate.
The one female panda at the zoo that had given birth to several cubs was due to be fertile in a few weeks. A panda’s fertility cycle was amazingly short, only thirty-six hours. There was a lot of work and timing needed to make sure that brief window of time was not missed.
I was on a plane to Atlanta within two weeks.
To make matters worse, my job was now hours away from where we lived.
Between the crazy L.A. traffic and early hours, I would spend more time away from home than he would. The only way we could balance things out would be for us to move closer to my job. Unfortunately, that would put more distance between Brian and the studio he worked out of.
Not to mention his family.
Unlike me, Brian had spent his entire life living near his family. While I had left home and moved over three thousand miles away at a young age, Brian had never been more than twenty minutes away from his childhood home.
And now, he was left to search for our new home, alone.
Brian was not happy about it.
“I managed to do some scouting today.” His eyes left the screen and went off camera as he started to type. “Check your email. I just sent pictures of three properties I thought you may like.”
I forced the lump of uneasiness in my stomach away, shrunk his image to half the size of my computers screen, and signed in to my email.
“You know what I like, baby. I’m sure you’ll find something for us.” His delayed response had me glancing back at his image.
His brow was creased as if he were formulating the correct way to word what he wanted to say.
“I’ve been thinking about it, Ebony, and while we both agreed it would be simpler for us to rent another house, I think we should explore the option of buying. What’s going on with your job is not something that’s temporary. I have a feeling your time at the San Diego Zoo is going to be for some years. Why rent if we can buy? I don’t like the idea of moving at all, but if it’s what we have to do, I want it to be one move, not something we do for a year and then do again, you know?”
I studied my husband’s face. He was serious. “What do you have in mind?”
“Planning for the future and not just the present.” He paused before looking directly at the camera. “We talked about finding something that had two bedrooms; I think we should look at a three, maybe four-bedroom place instead. The difference in prices in the neighborhoods we’re interested in are higher, but think about it. If…when we decide to expand our family, we won’t have to move again.”
And there it was; he was thinking about having a baby.
“Did you get my email?”
I swallowed hard. “Yeah, it just popped up. Give me a second.” I clicked on the file.
“Look at the second link.”
I did as instructed; my breath caught. The home Brian selected was a two-story traditional styled home. It had the same type of stucco finish and Spanish tiled roof as his childhood home. I cycled through the photos that showed pictures of what had to be every room in the house. The floors were a mix of tile and carpet. The rooms seemed to be huge. There was a simple manicured backyard that was fenced, and a sparkling pool was the centerpiece.
I imagined family cookouts and children running around the manicured lawn. So did the worry of someone falling into the pool and getting hurt.
I forced the images out of my head. Despite the crazy dreams I’d been having about fish and children, it wasn’t something I saw in my immediate future. Yet, Brian seemed to be planning that far ahead.
“It’s beautiful, Brian. It looks like your parents’ house.” His laugh drew my attention to the screen.
“I thought the same thing. The minute I saw the place, I had flashbacks to growing up with my sisters in a house full of warmth and love. I want those types of memories for us, too.”
My attention went to Brian as he scratched his shoulder. He wore a short sleeve t-shirt that left his tattooed biceps exposed. I studied the images that represented the family he’d grown up with and the one he wanted to have of his own.
Though he hadn’t exactly said it, it was obvious what Brian wanted.
I’d been religious with my use of birth control…ever since the incident. The one where a night of passion before he left town for his three-month tour led to unprotected sex. Instead of being scared of getting pregnant, it was the night we confirmed our desire to become a permanent couple.
It was the night Brian let it be known he wanted to marry me…pregnant or not pregnant.
And then my world went to hell after I was raped.
Instead of telling Brian what happened, I took matters into my own hands and took a morning-after pill to reduce the chances of getting pregnant by the man who forced himself on me.
Was I pregnant at all? That’s an answer no one but God would know.
But one thing I did know was that when the truth had come out, Brian was angry. About the attack. About the unknown possibility of a child that may or may not have been.
Once he completed his court ordered anger management counseling sessions, pregnancy was the one topic we tended to stray away from.
Until now.
His mention of buying a house big enough to fulfil any future changes in our family was him putting what he wanted on the table.
And despite the dreams I’d been having, I wasn’t ready.
I just couldn’t tell him that.
Not yet.
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Chapter 6, coming next Sunday!
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