Don't Let the Ugliness of Fat-Shaming Bleed Into the Next Generation

About a month ago, I was trying on my summer clothes in front of my mirror.  Madelyne wandered into my room and asked what I was doing.  I told her that I was seeing if my clothes from last year still fit.  Madelyne, my 4-year-old daughter, looked at herself in the mirror, pinched the skin on her hips and said, "I am so fat."  Right away I went into mommy-protective mode:

"Madelyne!  I don't ever want to hear you say that again."

She looked at me with innocent eyes and said, "But you say it."  Needless to say, I was horrified at myself and my behavior.  Why didn't I see this coming?  She emulates me in other areas of life:  wears my high heels around the house pretending she's going to work like her mommy, won't step on cracks on the sidewalk because her mommy doesn't either (weird habit from when I was little), wants her hair to be like mommy's hair, etc.  It's kind of fun to see a mini-me but the fat-shaming went too far - and I have no one to blame but myself.

My issues with my body are my issues - not my daughter's.  I never want her to feel in adequate in anyway.  I know I can't protect her from all the bad things in life, but I don't want to be the cause of any of those bad things.  

And then occurred to me - why was I so quick to protect Madelyne from fat-shaming but I didn't protect myself from myself.  Why can't I be happy with the body I have?  When I was doubting myself the other day, a friend told me that I was a good and kind friend and a great mom.  Isn't that is what is most important?  Do the people I love really care that I'm not the same size from college?  The answer is a resounding no.

I'm not trying to justify my weight gain.  I know that I need to eat healthier and can probably exercise more.  Maybe some day, I will finally be able to be content with the body I have, whichever size it is.  But until that day, I will try to never say the "f" word (fat) in front of Madelyne again.