Finding Sandy….

 

My life has been full of challenges and changes for years. Three different relationships ended, three times I slowly picked myself up and began finding myself again. This is the third time, and I feel like I’m finally beginning to find myself again. 

  

I have the awesome personality type to try and do everything for my partner.  In doing so I often lose me.  It has happened in each of the three relationships.  I began to forget what Sandy wanted.  What was important to her, and who she really is. All very important parts to being yourself. 

When you lose yourself an individual is created who has the characteristics that your partner will love and appreciate. I am the strong silent type, I hold everything inside and just keep smiling. It often reduces conflict, which I abhor, but it causes a disaster when words finally erupt. 

 

Now every day I wake up in my own condo and make decisions based on what I want to do. I tidy things up when I want, rather than when it’s expected. If I decide to take a nap, I do. If I want to read all night, I do.   If I want to go shopping, I do. I don’t feel restricted by anyone or anything, and I’m finding myself once again in the process. 

At the same time I miss the companionship of a partner, waking up alone.  I have a great group of co-workers, and I have made a few good friends.  I am enjoying going out, laughing and creating new memories on my own. I have forced myself to get out and walk, go to movies and explore the beautiful city I live in. 

 

The journey is mine, and I’m doing my best to  make every moment count.