CHECKING IN

Hello, my magical muffins! Happy Wednesday to all.

First of all, a massive thanks to everyone who came to the Lincoln Inspired event last Saturday. It was great fun and all the writers and organisers and readers I met were wonderful. Here's us during the panel:
 
Taken by Bowen, the charming son of Kerry Drewery, who's on my right there (in a Roald Dahl t-shirt, no less). I actually felt terrible that day, with a sinus headache that would not quit - I ended up spending most of Sunday with my face in a bowl of hot steam - but I still have lovely memories of absolutely snorking with laughter at what everyone had to say. A+++ event, very good, would participate again.

This week I'm buried up to my eyebrows in my pre-submission edits on BaBBook. I was supposed to turn the book in to Wonder Editor and Super Agent by the end of April but the tonsillitis and complications thereof absolutely knocked the stuffing out of me, and although I did work through it as much as I could - I knew I was going to be late, but I didn't want to be horribly late - I reluctantly came to the conclusion last week that pretty much all the changes I'd made were utter &@)*, and that I'd missed loads of quite important stuff that I should have caught and improved or fiddled with in various ways. I wouldn't have been happy letting anyone see the 'edited' version.

So on Monday I went back to my original first draft (ALWAYS ALWAYS CREATE A NEW DOCUMENT FOR EACH NEW ROUND OF EDITS MY CHILDREN TRUST ME ON THIS) and started again. I'm already feeling much more positive about this version. Fingers crossed I can send it off soon.


Once that's done I'll actually be out of contract - that is, without any outstanding books contracted to be written and published - for the first time since 2005. Which is a liiiittle scary, not gonna lie. But I have two projects that I'm desperate to work on next and a third that I'm also very excited for (although that one is slightly less developed).

One of these is another fairytale retelling, loosely linked to Shadows on the Moon, which will star a trans* main character - though it's not Akira, sorry! The second is a timeslip story which takes place in both the 1920's and contemporary Britain. The third one is a high fantasy inspired by ancient Babylon which will feature griffins. I'm hoping that Walker will take a liking to one or all of these and offer me a new contract, but I've got considerable work to do on research and synopses, and Wonder Editor will be busy with BaBBook once I've sent it to her, so it'll more than likely be a while before I can talk in more detail about any of them.

In the meantime, here's a snippet from BaBBook. Let me know what you think in the comments!
______________________________________
Everything came back in a starburst of agony. Fire flowed through my flesh, eating away at it in long glowing runnels, like rivers of molten metal burning my shoulder, my hip, and deep, deep into my side. I tried to cry out. All that emerged was a high, thin wheeze, whistling between my teeth. The effort made the hurt surge up over the rest of my body like a red tide, and if I had possessed the breath in that moment to do it, I would have begged the Moon for death.

What happened where am I what’s wrong no no I can’t make it stop please make it go away –  

“Ssh now, ssh, you’re safe. You’re safe now. Don’t move.”

I heard the voice only distantly, my own pained, panicked breaths drowning everything out. A large, shadowy shape moved across the orange screen of my closed eyelids – I couldn’t seem to open them – before a strong hand cupped the back of my head and tilted my neck up. Something touched my lip. The rim of a cup, rough and unglazed.

“Hurts,” I whimpered.

“I know,” the voice rumbled softly, soothing. “I know it hurts. Drink this. It will help.”

The cup tipped. I tried to swallow, but the bitter liquid within made me choke and cough. The pain flared and I let out a weak, stuttering sob.

“I’m sorry.” The fingers on my neck rubbed a little at the tight muscles there, like an apology. “Too fast. Let’s try again.”

“Father?”

There was a quiet noise, and then the voice sighed. “I – yes. Yes, child, it’s your father. You’re doing well. Drink up for me?”

Comforted despite my suffering, I did. The liquid was lukewarm, and it tasted awful. I choked again – just a little – but kept trying, and finally the cup was taken away.

“There. Good girl.”

“Father, why...”

“Ssh. No questions now. Rest. Sleep and get better.”

He laid me carefully back down, my head nestling into some soft, spongy pillow – but the movement jarred my shoulder, which made me flinch, which made my side and hip scream. I bit my lip, but couldn’t hold in another sob.

“Breathe out,” the voice – father’s voice? – rumbled. The slightly rough surface of a damp, cool passed over my forehead and my cheeks, wiping away sweat and tears. “Breathe in. Slowly now. Breathe out. It will pass. Pain always passes. Breathe in. What we know will pass, we can endure.”

I followed the rhythm he set, breathing slowly and quietly until both the clawing fire in my side and the panic had eased enough to be bearable. I sensed more than heard him shift away and stiffened.

“Don’t leave me. Don’t go.”

“I won’t leave you. I’m not going anywhere. Be still now. Copper fish, dance, dance... leaves falling on silver pool...autumn rains, fall, fall...”

My mind slowly clouded over as the stuff he had made me drink took effect. I fell asleep to the gentle, rumbling growl of the sweet lullaby that no one had sung to me since I was eight years old...
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Published on May 13, 2015 01:45
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message 1: by Eilonwy (new)

Eilonwy Fingers firmly crossed that you get BaBBook off soon! And that your health decides to cooperate.

I just sent my revisions to my agent on Monday! She wrote back "yay, can't wait to read them" but also said she just got back from a vacation and has to catch up on other stuff, then go to BEA, so she won't have time to look at my book until June. Half of me says "darn, you mean I could have gone over it yet again?", and the other half says, "well, at least I'll have some distance from it by the time she sends it back with more questions and suggestions." I feel a weird, numb relief at getting through this.

And I'm envious of your three wanna-do projects, because right now my brain is insisting that it has no creativity left, and I'm feeling convinced that I'll never come up with another book, ever. I trust this will pass!

Anyway, I'm glad the Lincoln event went so well, and happy to see the picture! And I'm sending you all the energy I'm not using for revising any more! May this final edit go smoothly and quickly.


message 2: by Zoë (new)

Zoë Marriott Eilonwy wrote: "Fingers firmly crossed that you get BaBBook off soon! And that your health decides to cooperate.

I just sent my revisions to my agent on Monday! She wrote back "yay, can't wait to read them" but..."


Thanks, Holls. I need all the help I can get - I'm really not sure if this book is one of the best things I ever wrote or a total disaster. I hate that. Gah.

Agents and editors always do that! It's a cosmic law. But I'm glad you didn't have time to go over it again, since it must be the most thoroughly, nitpickingly edited ms EVER by this point. Perfectionism will kill you in the end you know. Try to accept 'This is the best I can do now' as a desirable result, OK?

You'd have more reason to be envious if I was sure that anyone was going to publish any of them! I have many insecure and nervous feelings over here. I've gotten far too used to having multiple books under contract and it's weird to look ahead and have nothing now. It might even be nice if the threat of starvation wasn't always hovering on the horizon...

All the energy is much appreciated - but save some for yourself. After a bit of fallow time your imagination is sure to burst into fruit again. Mine always does.

Zxx


message 3: by Eilonwy (new)

Eilonwy Zoë wrote: "I'm really not sure if this book is one of the best things I ever wrote or a total disaster. I hate that. "

I know that feeling! I'm fretting away between "my changes made my book really good!" and "my changes ruined my book!" How can one tell? We poor authors are so blind to things we're working on. I know I changed the feel of quite a bit of the story, but I don't know if that's good or bad! I'm sure you're feeling something similar.

I'm glad you didn't have time to go over it again, since it must be the most thoroughly, nitpickingly edited ms EVER by this point.

I'm not sure about THAT. I'm just stunned that it took me so long to get through the whole thing even once! It's really giving me doubts about the idea of trying to have a writing career as long as I need a full-time job. This felt like pressure, and like I wasn't handling it very well. I've really only read through the "new" book twice. And it's funny that you suggest telling myself "This is the best I can do now," because those are virtually the words I wrote to my agent! :-)

Why does being a writer *sound* so much more glamourous than the reality of it is? Chitter, gnash.


message 4: by Zoë (new)

Zoë Marriott Eilonwy wrote: "Zoë wrote: "I'm really not sure if this book is one of the best things I ever wrote or a total disaster. I hate that. "

I know that feeling! I'm fretting away between "my changes made my book real..."


I actually don't think a glamourous reality exists. At all. It might be an actual oxymoron. Even walking down the red carpet in a designer gown and diamonds is not as much fun or as easy as people imagine (I'm not saying that based on personal experience, obv). I think things only ever look glam and shiny on the outside and as soon as you dig down for the real, interesting bits, all the shine flakes off. Sometimes what's underneath is worthwhile though.

Give yourself a rest and read lots of books and be kind to yourself for a bit. You've worked incredibly hard, you deserve a pat on the back and a rest.


message 5: by Eilonwy (new)

Eilonwy Zoë wrote: "Give yourself a rest and read lots of books and be kind to yourself for a bit. You've worked incredibly hard, you deserve a pat on the back and a rest."

Thanks. I'll try. But sheesh, I have no idea what to do with myself any more if I'm not desperately rewriting!


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