Pub Day

I woke up a little early to take a quiet moment to have my coffee with my saints candles of Lana Del Rey and Lady Gaga.  They are angled towards me so it looks like they are watching me while they burn.  Taylor Swift, in her ALA Read Poster, smiles down on us.  

Today is the publication day for my book.  I have my outfit planned out, and also a plan for tomorrow the day of my book party at Skylight.  I’m scared I won’t be able to be present in the joy of the moment, so I will take with me a belated birthday gift for one of my friends and give it to her just before I read.  I’m hoping a brief moment that’s not about me will let me be inside all the parts that are about me.

This is going to be over soon, and so I want to have it while i’m here.  So often I am pushing off the present moment like a competitive swimmer pushes off a diving block.  (When I was a little girl on a swim team, I wasn’t afraid of losing - I always, always lost - I was afraid of a slow reaction time, missing the starting bell and not diving into the water as fast as the other girls.  Losing was fine but seeming lost was embarrassing.  So I stressed and stressed, could I fully be in that moment?  I was never late to jump, but I never stopped stressing out about it.)

Today my goals are to feel my happiness, not worry that I’m retweeting too much about myself, and not to give into my temptation to eat cheese.  I’m a little lactose intolerant, and I don’t want to be all cramp-y on my pub day.