What’s Brewing – When They Cry for Me

My dear friends, this week’s post is perhaps one of the most lovely, heart wrenching, and hopeful posts you will ever read on my website. And none of the words are mine. Today, I have chosen to share an update from Bonnie, written just hours before surgery. If you’ve ever felt unsure about life, fearful of your future, humbled by your circumstances, or wondering if there is a God who sees, and hears, and cares, I encourage you to take every word of this post to heart. And remember –  He loves you!

“When they cry for me”

Surgery tomorrow May 6th 2015

A long time lunch appointment had been delayed many times, but this time, it was to be Friday. Before words were exchanged, all that separated us was the booth. She could not control the tears that flowed from her eyes. All I could do was hold the audible cry, and keep it in, as I too, could not control the tears. Her compassion, and depth of love was visible and wrapped me like a warm blanket on a cold day.

It was so so good to see each other face to face, and I knew she knew, what I had been going through all along. The booth could not separate us…. we got up, and embraced, with no words.

Or…….at the grocery store, after picking my daughter up from the airport yesterday, we picked up a few groceries for her dreaded colonoscopy. Right behind us in the check out lane, was a precious woman from our church. She saw me, and instantly …… her love poured out like a beautiful waterfall……. hugging me when both our eyes met.  She was buying ME a card to let me know she was praying, and how much she loved me.

I usually wear a wig when I go out…. sometimes I just get tired of it, or it is too hot. On Saturday was such a day. I had to run into the hardware store…. as I was doing my 1,000 projects before my surgery, and can’t lift my arms for a couple weeks….. or …. I should say…. Power Wash. I love to Power Wash….  my deck, all the flat work, and make things look “clean” after the long winter months. But I also needed to stain the deck, and fix a lawnmower tire.

“Larry” had tattoos all over his arm, piercings, and was a bit large, but wore his apron proudly, and I so happen to catch him in the aisle as I was looking for an “external spring pliers.” I could tell when he looked at me with my hat on, that he knew… maybe he had someone in his family….. and talked to me like a gentle giant, calling me “Sweetheart” and showed me where everything was that I needed. He was tender.

I am overwhelmed by people’s kindness. The cards, with deep heart felt words, and phone calls, ( I have recorded onto a recorder so I will never forget the way their love is expressed through words.)

Going to get my nails done, (I could not think of it before because of the chemo was too risky for infection) but here she was, ready for me, doing my nails and my toes! What a treat, and refused to take my check. Not only that, but she and her co worker, bought a huge beautiful hanging basket. I was so embarassed and humbled….. I have not been too good at being the recipient of such kindness. Thank you Wendy

Between my buddy Lin always daily checking in on me, delivering bread, tender prayers, my covenant group, my loving kids, and incredible husband, the daily txts, and reassuring voices, the weekly cards, I feel like the most blessed woman on earth.

Thank you to each of you who have given your love away so abundantly!

My surgery will take place at Porltand Adventist. Tomorrow. May 6th 2015. 1 pm 

I would covet your prayers for my surgeon, plastic surgeon, and anesthesia.I am asking God for negative nodes for cancer. I have His presence so strong, and I do have peace.

Peace is a gift. But for me that Peace only comes from knowing Jesus, and His word that comforts my soul.Many dark nights I have read the Bible with my flashlight, giving me comfort of these Eternal Words. “I will never leave you”

Many things happen we would not choose for ourselves. I am inspired by lives who have lived a life of pain, yet somehow they have surrendered their lives to trust God in the most difficult things. We can always ask “why” but will never be given an explanation this side of heaven. We don’t know why. I love the quote, “Be the sunshine in someones day, you may be the only light they see.”

I am reminded of Amy Carmichael, grew up in a wealthy home in the late 1800’s. The family lost their money and her father died. Amy came across an impoverished woman, begging in the street. Amy wanted to help her but was embarrassed. It bothered her that she lacked the courage to ignore people judging her for helping. It was later that night she surrendered her life to God , and embraced a life attitude of being a servant to whomever needed her help.

Amy ended up living a single life, and devoted herself to rescuing young girls in India who were sex slaves for the Hindu temple worship. The first girl she rescued was 5 years old. She escaped the temple in the middle of the night. My granddaughter Scarlett is 3 1/2.

Amy ended up building a sanctuary for 1,000 young girls. Its amazing how some things stay the same. Abuse, Violence. It is also amazing what one woman, who made up her mind not to be a victim, but to look life in the face, and chose to change it.

One night when it was dark, Any was walking around the Fellowship sanctuary, and fell into a dark pit that was used for garbage. It had been freshly dug out, and Amy had no idea it was there until she fell in the pit. It was deep. Amy broke her leg, and twisted her spine. She spent the next 20 years in bed, and wrote some of her finest work.

It is a mystery how some can face such challenges, and still praise God, and serve him. I want to be that kind of woman. I have to admit, that I would not be honest with the fear that this cancer will come back after chemo, and surgery. Tomorrow, any one of us could have a life altering diagnosis.

I remember when I was driving to Clackamah Town Center, with my wig on, thinking, it seemed only a few days ago, I was carefree, and had no health worries at all. I did not know that I was carrying this cancer in my body for the last 4 to 10 years. Life can change on a dime. I thought to myself, “I just want to forget about this for just an hour, and go shop carefree” Not to be.

I want to make the very best of a difficult challenge, and ask God to use the broken pieces to sooth another soul. That happens to me daily, with those who have lived with enormous pain in their lives.

God sees all, knows all. I am in Good Hands. I am in Gods Hands.

I am reminded again of a song that I wrote for a mom who lost her daughter. The song is ” Every Moment.”

Ps 139:7

Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8  If I ascend into heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

9  If I take the wings of the morning,

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10  Even there Your hand shall lead me,

And Your right hand shall hold me.

11  If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall [a]  on me,”

Even the night shall be light about me;

12  Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,

But the night shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to You

For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.

14  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; [b]

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

15  My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16  Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them.

17  How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!

18  If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;

When I awake, I am still with You.

Blessings to you all,  Bonnie Knopf

What’s Brewing – When They Cry for Me was first posted on May 6, 2015 at 6:13 am.
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