Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #20 Feed the Koalas

Feed the Koalas

What it Entails:

Immersing yourself in so much cuteness. So, so, much crazy, adorable, cuteness. Koalas are well known as adorable cuddly bears that are just begging to be hugged and squeezed and loved.

Koalas can also be found on lists like “7 Adorable Animals That Are Surprisingly Violent.” They headline that article.

So back to the Koala, you’re looking at feeding an animal that can spend 5-22 hours of its day feeding and sleeping. Why do you want to do this? Oh that’s right, because it’s cuter and smells nicer than a sloth.

Back to the event in question. You are going to willingly pick up a 11-31 lb creature with impressive claws and teeth and possessing a tiny brain described as “a pair of shriveled walnut halves on top of the brain stem, in contact neither with each other nor the bones of the skull.”

So to sum up, it’s small, stupid, armed and prone to violence. Kind of like a weaponized Jack Russell on drugs. You’re going to pick it up and feed it eucalyptus leaves. I’m sure it will be grateful.

Pros:

1. You went to Australia! Well done, you’re better traveled than most.

2. Have you tried kangaroo yet? Best burgers ever. Treat yourself.

3. Excellent opportunity to develop that tanned/sunburnt look that lets people know that you went somewhere far away.

Cons:

1. You went to Australia! Home to every deadly creature that ever evolved. It will eventually be proven that fangs, claws, venom and stingers all evolved there and were exported to the outside world.

2. You probably didn’t fly first class. Your back hurts, you have jet lag, and because the universe hates you, your seatmate isn’t going to let you sleep on the flight back. Congratulations on the new arch-nemesis.

3. Any resulting injuries are about as impressive sounding as being mauled by a pug.