Google Maps can be a real asshole

I love it, it’s helpful but let me tell you this – sometimes, Google Maps can be a real asshole.

You look something up, it tells you you can get there in seven minutes – just a quick subway ride plus a one-minute walk.

“Great! I love one-minute walks!” you think. And then you say goodbye to everyone at the apartment, telling them you’ll be back in a jiffy, letting the door slam behind you.

You get on the wrong train – the service changes sometimes trip you up – but that’s not Google Maps’ fault. That’s totally you.

But you’ve gotten on the right train, gotten off at the right stop and you’ve been walking for over a minute and you’re still not where you’re supposed to be.

You check Google Maps and say, “Oh, okay, I’m halfway there.” But you keep walking and still don’t see your destination.

You check Google Maps again and it tells you you’ve already walked by it.

“What the fuck,” you think. And you walk back. But you still don’t see it. You crane your neck and you turn and turn and turn until you’re dizzy and you feel like holding on to a nearby falafel cart for support but you still don’t see it.

And Google Maps keeps telling you you’re right where you should be.

You sigh, walk into a supermarket and ask the first person you see, “Do you know where this is?”

“Yes, that’s by the big avenue.”

And the big avenue is nine blocks away.

“Damn you and your one-minute promises, Google Maps,” you think as you continue walking.

But somewhere along those nine blocks, you find the biggest bag of Sour Patch Kids you’ve ever seen, you discover a new way to tie your hair and you grab a delicious tuna sandwich prepared by an angry Indian woman.

Done with your errand, you walk back to the subway, attacking your sandwich with such ferocity that you get tuna on your nose, and you think, “Fuck you, Google Maps, but thank you too.”