I was not an orphan
(Article published July 18, 2014 at Korean news site Daum.net. Translation by 문지수, edits by Soojung Jo. Original link and text HERE)
She didn’t have a single photo of herself smiling after her daughter was sent overseas for adoption
The care center recommended overseas adoption to Kim. They told her, if a single mother raises her child without any money her child will be unhappy. But she just wanted them to care for child for a while.
In 40 years, nothing has changed. “If the child care’s environment is good, it greatly reduces the need for single mothers to give up their child,” said Kim on July 16th. In her home at Gyeonggi-do, she showed me Soojung’s adoption photo and the receipt from the care center. Soojung and Kim met because Soojung uploaded this photo and information to Holt International’s website and Kim’s niece found it.
At Incheon Airport Arrival Hall, on May 29 last year, Kim Jong Suk (59 and pseudonym) was waiting at the arrivals gate. While she anxiously watched, her daughter Soojung (38) appeared to her for the first time in 34 years. Kim had lived a life feeling like a sinner since her daughter was adopted to the United States at the age of 3. She got down on her knees, and just repeated “I’m sorry.” Her body was overcome by exhaustion because of so much crying. Soojung hugged her without a word. On Soojung’s birthday, February 15, every year Kim has boiled seaweed according to Korean birthday tradition. Finally she could eat the seaweed soup together with Soojung for the first time.
If a single mother raises her child without any money her child will be unhappy.
Kim was a single mother. She had been kidnapped by a stranger, then imprisoned and repeatedly sexual abused. After a while, she was pregnant. Everyone around said to Kim that she should have an abortion, but she decided to produce her child because she thought “child of my body and my part.” In February 1977, Kim delivered a child at maternity clinic in Myeonmokdong Seoul. She was 21 years old. After Soojung was born, her father earned a little money for rent, but he did not help for long. He was always drunk and soon died of alcoholism in the street.
Kim raised Sujung by herself, overcoming all obstacles for almost two years. When Kim couldn’t pay her rent she left her baby with her sister or brother and went out searching for work. However, there weren’t many options in the job field in the 1970’s for a twenty one year old single mother. She remembers thinking how she would even consider begging for a room; however, it was out of her control at the time.
Somebody told Kim of a child care center in Noryangjin Seoul and told her to leave her child there. So Kim left her child at the care center until she could find a place to stay. Kim bought clothes and food for her child and visited the care center whenever she could, but she was not welcome there. They told Kim that if she kept visiting her child there, she would not adapt to being in the care center.
The care center recommended overseas adoption to Kim. They said if a single mother raises her child without any money her child will be unhappy. However, if she were to send her child overseas she would eat well, wear nice clothes, study what she wants and they would treat her like a princess. At first Kim had no intention of sending her child overseas, but after repeated coercion, she thought their words were true.
In 1979 Kim signed a contract giving up her right as a mother. She left her name and address with the care center for when the child wanted to see her birth mother. However, later there was no documentation of Soojung’s mothers name or address at the care center. The only thing written in Soojung’s documents was that she was abandoned at the Noryangjin police station and in 1980 she was sent off to the United States for adoption.
After her child had been sent overseas for adoption, Kim realized that she had made a terrible decision and was filled with guilt and regret. Although she now lives a happy life with her husband, son and daughter, she is always reminded of her oldest daughter Soojung from the pain in her heart.
Every night Kim would wake up crying from dreams of finding her oldest daughter and would often fight with her husband who kept telling her to forget it. After Kim had communicated with her daughter, Soojung had asked for a picture of her birth mother. Kim realized that she did not have a single picture of her smiling and thought back to how she should have raised her child even if it meant starving together in the streets.
Raising a child alone in the world is difficult.
Kim is currently a member of the single moms group. The single moms group is to help single mothers who sent their children off to adoption. There are mothers like Kim who have a painful stories deep in their hearts. There are 12 to 13 members who regularly participate in the club; however, the family members who sent their children to adoption have a hard time telling their stories. Kim says that Korean society still characterizes single mothers as sinners and just recommends overseas adoption. And Kim says that she constantly raises the issue, that for 40 years, nothing has changed. Kim knows a young single mother who works and raises her daughter by herself with helping her parents. Kim says, If the child care’s environment is good, greatly reduces single mothers will abandon their child. And she says, she had lived cold and harsh times when nobody would even give her a sip of water. Now the economy is better, but the support to single mother is still not enough. She points out the society should support families staying together instead of being separated.
According to statistics from the Department of Health and Human Services, domestic and international adoption was 922 children in 2013. And more than 90% of those children are from single mothers.
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