Are your expectations preventing connection?

It’s a big question, but it’s worth paying attention to. And it’s something that a parent shared with me that caused me to pause.

This mama is in my year long Evolve program, and she posted a reflection in our private Facebook community.

She wrote,

I was talking with my best friend the other night, and she shared that lately she’s been trying to be with her daughter ‘without an agenda’ and it’s changed everything.

I didn’t quite get it, but I decided I would try it out this week. AND OMG IT WORKS!!

It’s basically what Carrie says about slowing down, but for some reason the wording of ‘being with your kid without an agenda’ clicked something important in my brain.

When my kids want to talk, we talk. When they want to play, we play. It’s especially working at bedtime. If I remember ‘no agenda,’ I can temporarily shut down the part of my brain that is always scrolling through the to-do list or is thinking about how they need to brush teeth/take bath/read book/go to sleep and just BE with them. And they fall asleep so much faster! So awesome!

Of course, we still have massive bumps, but still. Amazing what a few words can do to change your (my) perspective . . .

Yes! I love this concept of being in connection with someone without an agenda. Brilliant mama. And way to try it out and see how it feels. That can sometimes be the most difficult part.

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If you’re interested in diving a little deeper, I encourage you to take a listen to this audio recording I just made that helps unearth some of the nuances of expectations vs. connection.

Sending you well wishes for love, ease, and connection in family life.

Enjoy,

Carrie