The Fiver | If John Carver is able to survive the cull, pretty much anyone can

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RAMS AND BULLDOZERS

Bank holidays are all good and well, but the return to the world of work after an extra day of freedom is always psychologically taxing. And so it was that last night The Fiver suffered an anxiety dream, in which it held a big whip in one hand and the steering wheel of a bulldozer in the other. Wheeling around the country at noteworthy velocity and with a glazed look in the eye, The Fiver systematically drove each and every member of Great Britain’s managerial class, whether inert, ineffective or simply inept, into the cold, choppy sea. Britain was thus left with a working population of 173, and a very efficient country it became too. GDP went through the roof. The Fiver then awoke with a jolt, just as it was being led to a show-trial in The Hague. Not sure what our subconscious was trying to say there, but the Fiver won’t wolf down a dozen Dairylea fritters before bedtime ever again, and that’s a piece of processed triangular information you can have for free.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BIG WEEKEND SECOND BABY NEWS. WELCOME, CECILE IRIS BAKOWSKI

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