How We Met

As requested, the story, told from two viewpoints, of how we met.
Seth Five years. That’s how long I’d been ‘online’ trying my hand at finding that perfect someone, a someone that had, up until then, eluded me at home. Five years of meeting nice (and not so nice) young ladies from various parts of the U.S., and even a scammer or two. There were dozens of attempts at conversation, a handful of friendships, and even two full blown relationships, both of which failed after some months. I had been hurt a couple times, I had been happy a few more, but over five years of trying without any lasting success… I had become tired. Tired of starting over, beginning conversations with someone I’d never met before, trying to learn about a new person only to have it lead to nothing. I can only imagine the number of ‘first messages’ I’d sent out, many never to be responded to; and of the few that garnered a response, most were of the single sentence kind, which often left me keenly aware of how incompatible we would be.  It was an exercise of failure, and failure that was made more disheartening by the fact that, should I succeed, in theory I would become very happy… and it eluded me.

So there I was, tired and somewhat weary of dead end conversations with nice, but not right, girls that would never lead anywhere. To give some backstory of my journey, understand this: I began my search within a 50 mile radius of my home (which is in Ohio) and moved out from there, checking out various profiles and young ladies in an expanding ring. By the time I came to Laurel’s profile, I was searching in Oregon. Yes, Oregon. I had expanded all the way from Ohio to Oregon. I was very, very near to the point of just giving up; after all, there wasn’t much more ‘land’ left to expand in.

To say I was hopeful when I clicked on Laurel’s profile would be lying. I had clicked through dozens, if not a couple hundred profiles that day. I had not found a single one worth sending a message to. I assumed this would be yet another one. But I was wrong.

The first thing that caught my eye was how eloquent and well-spoken her profile was, and, as a writer myself, that drew me in a way that pictures never could. Moreover, her obvious faith and strength of conviction, combined with how much we had in common (both homeschooled, both writers, both prone to introversion and many other similar things) made me pause. Had I found someone? Had I found someone worth messaging?

That may sound crass. After all, there was a person on the other end of that profile; but after so many messages and so many profiles without any luck, I was beginning to have trouble seeing it. Still, this one was different. It drew me in, and, despite my pessimism, I was actually seeing the person on the other side, even if the picture was incomplete.

But there was a problem. It was late at night, almost midnight in fact, and I was tired from a long day of work. A part of me wanted to simply say ‘this would be another wasted message’, close the computer, and then go to bed. But another part of me, a stronger part, one that I perhaps can’t even explain, said that I needed to send a message, even if my hope was small that I’d get a return. For about an hour I let her profile sit there open, staring at the words, trying to decide if I ought to write a message to this interesting, thoughtful young lady that had obviously put so much time into making sure everyone who viewed her profile could get as much info as possible about her life and who she was. Finally, after some deliberation (and perhaps an episode of Supernatural or two) I decided I would write her.

The message I wrote was not incredibly long, though it was longer than I usually would do. I had reached a point where I, being a writer, had simply given in to the fact that a woman would either accept my long-winded writing, or else was not for me; so I was detailed in my explanations, lengthy in my questions, and did my best to scare her off (assuming she was not quite so eager to write as I). After reading, re-reading, and the reading the message again to be sure I had not missed anything or made any mistakes. When I was satisfied, I clicked the send button, quickly closed out the profile, and headed off to bed, both parts nervous and subdued, because five years of online dating had made me less than hopeful that she would respond. I went to sleep that night completely unaware that I had sent the message that would change my life forever. Laurel
I joined the dating site at the suggestion of my best friend. She said she'd met some nice people on there, even if none of them had become the kind of relationship she wanted, and thought that might be a good start for me.

I was about a year and a half removed from my first relationship, an abusive one, that ended shortly before his incarceration for molesting minors. I was more than a little frightened, although I didn't realize it at the time. I rarely left home, and wasn't exactly a social butterfly anyway. I realized it was unlikely that I'd meet anyone in person, and family members were pressuring me to meet random guys they thought I'd like, so I went ahead and joined.

I'd been a member for a few months, with very little success. Most of the men that contacted me sent me a few words, a single sentence, or, if I was lucky, a whole paragraph. I loved to write, still do, and find that it's the easiest way for me to communicate. I knew that if an online relationship were to work, whoever was on the other end had to be similar in nature. So the short messages never ended well. I'd had slightly better conversations with a few, but they didn't seem to be getting anywhere. No one had a personality that clicked with mine, and none of the longer conversations were really bringing me any closer to anyone. I was starting to get frustrated, because even using the search parameters for men who met my standards I found almost nothing. Which quickly turned into nothing, because the one that matched my search criteria turned out to be arrogant and annoying.

I didn't put a whole lot of stock in the search option, because it left a lot to be desired, and didn't cover much. So mostly I browsed profiles. Occasionally I would send a message to say hello if someone caught my interest, which happened so rarely it's hardly worth mentioning. Occasionally I would get a message from some guy commenting on some aspect of my profile, usually my picture, which I quickly learned not to answer. If they couldn't find anything better to say, they must not have read my profile. Surely someone who matched me would read it and find something more intelligent and insightful to say than "hey gorgeous."

I was browsing profiles again one night, on a binge because I was bored and hadn't logged in for a while, when I got the notification. Someone had viewed my profile. As was my habit, I immediately went and looked at his to see if he was interesting.

I knew at once that he was different. His profile was long, though not as long as mine, and (a big deal for me) things were spelled correctly and with good punctuation. I could see his sense of humor come out in places, and I didn't find it distasteful or crude. I sat and stared at it for a few moments, thinking. He was a writer. He was obviously intelligent. He loved Lord of the Rings. And he had a compatible sense of humor. He was on a Christian dating site, so he also had that in his favor.

If it was me on the other side, I'd send a message. But, also if it was me, I would spend some time working on it. So, feeling almost as if I knew him already, I decided that I would give him time in case that was the way he worked. If I didn't have a message from him in the morning, I'd send him one myself. I went to bed, hoping that he'd say something. I knew that if he didn't, I wasn't going to pass up the chance.

The next morning, there was a message waiting for me.