How to date a witch… three easy steps…

Woman calls me one day, says a reporter has been rude to her… agonizingly rude.

I listen to her story, commiserate. She cools down. Then she warms up, to me.

You’re a very sympathetic personality, she says. It’s obvious you’re a Pisces. Mister Rude, he’s a Taurus. No question.

I hang up. I call the rude guy, John Glisch, who is actually one of the more courteous folks in our line.

Hey man, you a Taurus?

He is. And I’m a Pisces.

Whatev… chalk it up.

Next day, I get a call from the receptionist on the first floor. A woman has just delivered an envelope. I go down, grab it.

Inside, an invitation. From her.

One thing I forgot to mention. She’s a witch. She told me so.

Wiccan.

Asked me how I felt about it. Fine with me, I said.

Anyhow, she’s decided that she and I have a thing. Because of the phone call. We’re connected. And now she wants to proceed, take the next step.

But she’s playing it cool. Wants me to initiate. How that’s gonna happen is spelled out in the letter.

If you want to see me again, she says, just take a spider’s leg, put it in a glass of water, hold it up to the full moon, look at the moon through the glass (of water, with spider leg) and, boom, the phone number will appear.

Imagine my disappointment. Could not for the life of me remember where I put all the spider legs.