Goodbye, Marcus

With all the Beer Warne nonsense going on, Marcus North's career ending hardly got a paragraph.

You've got to be a surprise inclusion or a botoxed old fella to get any media during these Ashes.

North was unassuming when he played, and his passing was the same.

I think that since I started the call for his axing when people were still calling him organised, I should be the one to say goodbye.

I've called North a toaster, waffle maker and a cockroach. Mentioned his loss of nip.  I've talked about how I would kill him, love to drink bourbon with him, made a very good betting system on his batting and said that he was Australia's best spinner before he even played for Australia.

I've been kind to him, dreadfully mean to him and I've let him know how I felt at all times with my kind of bullshit honesty.

Now he is gone, and I think this is the end for him.

If you average is 35 after 21 tests, talking about your conversion rate of hundreds is sort of like talking about Mengele's advances to the health industry.

He is 31, and Australia can't look back now, not even if he could be a very good captain.

My favourite North innings was his first hundred, because I was still full of hope for this averagely talented first class batsman who could bowl a bit back then.

My favourite spell would have to be his bowling to Pakistan, six wickets of pure ass should always be celebrated.

I loved it when he found it funny that the same media who was talking about how he might go, then went to him in almost the same breath and wondered if he might be the next captain.

As much as I've called for his termination, I still like the guy, and I hope he helps the Warriors become a better team.

Any man who makes hundreds of 4 continents in 21 tests should be respected in the future, and I am now free to do that he is no longer the weak link in the middle order.

The other night I heard Mike Atherton say that he would have written savage reviews of himself had he been a writer watching himself play in another stream of reality.

I think North could be a good writer.  I'm basing this on nothing he has written, he just seems to be a terribly self aware guy, and I wanna know what he knows.

If you're out there Marcus and you want to write about your career, you can do it here.  I'll pay you in late night bourbon.

Marcus, you always tried, and I thank you for that.

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