Finding Time When There's Not Enough
On my fanpage I've told you to ask me questions about myself, my books, anything! And now it's time to start providing answers! Emily Gunderson asked, "How DO you find the time (and space) to write?? And any advice on how other moms can carve out time for their passions?" Normally I would just answer one, but since these go together, you're getting a two-fer.
The second part of this question really stuck out to me. Encouraging people to embrace their passions is something I'm very, well, passionate about. :) I truly believe that God has given each of us gifts and talents for a reason: to make us happy. When we're happy others around us feel that and our passions can reach out to others in ways that make them happy and perhaps even encourage them to reach out themselves. But in a busy world, it can be hard to find time for those passions.
First, I'll tell you what I do. It is by no means perfect and doesn't always work out, even for me! But when it does, I find that I can get time for the needful and the fun in life. I try to get up earlier than my children so I'll have at least half an hour to do my yoga and center my day. For me this helps me get into the frame of mind I need to work with my three children and do the things I need to. When I'm focusing heavily on a project, as I have been with The Ultimate Prince Charming this month, I do half-hour sprints. My kiddos know what these are and love them! We work together for half an hour (I use my cell phone to set an alarm for us) on housework and chores. When the alarm goes off, they are released for half an hour of playtime in their room while I spend half an hour writing. We repeat this throughout the day as often as I need to reach my goals. When my children are having ornery days, and yes they do have them, I tend to stay up late making up lost time on my goals. But I try to make sure that I have a set bedtime for myself too. After all, staying up all night is not going to make me a happy mommy when my children wake up after their full night of sleep. ;) I do have a work desk in the nook off my room. When I need it to be extra quiet, I work there. Otherwise, I take my laptop into the living room where I can hear what my children are doing but still be on my own.
And now for the advice. This is just based on my experience and what has worked for me. So share it if you want, toss it out, tweak it, find what works for you. That's probably the very first piece of advice: find what works for you and your children (or whomever and whatever takes your time).
1) Get your children involved if possible. Unless your passion is something that would be potentially dangerous to them (chainsaw carving for instance), getting your children involved will do two things for you: a) it gives you time to do what you love with people you love and b) it helps them discover some of their own passions. I love baking and no one in my house (at the moment) loves that more than my son, Gary. If I'm getting ready to make something he insists that I wait for him to get his chef's coat (Thanks again, Mom. He loves it!) so he can bake too. He's discovered a love for cooking and I encourage that. I also involve my children in my writing, when I can. Together we're working on "The Adventures of Berry and Emerald." They're learning to love stories and storytelling as they make decisions about what our princess and her pet dragon are doing. Whatever your passion is, find a way to let your children explore it with you. It really is a win-win!
2) Have a code word/phrase for your children that lets them know you need some time to do your thing. My kiddos all know when I say, "Time for Mommy to do a writing sprint!" that they need to give me some time to write on my own. It took a while for them to figure it out, but consistency is key. I always tell them, "Time for Mommy to do a writing sprint." They've learned that means I'm going to set an alarm and until the alarm goes off, they need to let me be as much as possible. I still get interrupted with "He hit me," "She took my toy," "I'm hungry," and other common complaints. But for the most part they do their best to give me the time I've requested. They also think it's our big secret that Mommy gets that writing time, which has led them to believe that my writing time is special.
3) It is important that you set some kind of time limit for yourself. Half an hour has worked well for me, but depending on your children and what you're going to be doing you may need to adjust that time. You don't have to limit yourself to once a day, but having time limits helps you to be able to get other things done and also lets your children know that your "Me-time" isn't going to last forever.
4) Make your passion your "job." When I first really started to make time during the day to write, it was hard for my toddlers to understand what I was doing. So I turned writing into my job. They knew that Daddy had to go to work during the day. But they also knew that Daddy had to do certain things before he went to work. So I would have them watch me do my hair, put on my "work" shoes, and gather up my materials (in my case pens, notebooks, highlighters, etc.). I would give them a hug and a kiss and say, "I'm going to work now. Time for Mommy to do a writing sprint! I love you!" I made sure they knew exactly where I was, but I also made it clear that I was busy. I still got interrupted, but it helped them understand that I needed the time.
5) Celebrate finished projects together. It's hard to say who gets more excited when my proof copy arrives: My children or me. When you get a project finished, make it a big deal. My children love our "Mommy's done!" celebrations. We make their favorite dinner and dessert and have a great time. As they learn to associate those celebrations with your passions, they will become your cheerleaders. Gail loves to ask me how my writing is going.
6) Be prepared for off-days. No matter how wonderful your kiddos are, they are going to have off-days. Have a Plan B in place, even if Plan B means waiting for tomorrow. Sometimes they will need you more than your project will. These days go by so fast. While you shouldn't put off your passions indefinitely, be okay with missing a few days here and there. Ben is the most laid-back, easy-going baby I've had. But he has his clingy days. On those days I shrug, let go of the day's goals and just focus on being Mommy. If he takes a nap and I can put him down, I work for as long as I can before he wakes up. But there are also days that I don't get any writing done and I'm okay with that. Mommy is my number one job. I tell stories to keep that passion going even when I can't write them down. But I try hard to make sure my priorities are where they need to be.
7) Share your passion! Whether you play an instrument, write, paint, draw, garden, do stand-up comedy, write music, etc. Whatever your passion is, share it with those around you. Having that "fan" base can help give you the motivation and inspiration you need. Each of you have made writing even more important to me as I get your notes of praise, encouragement and love. I can't begin to express how inspiring it is for me to get those notes, no matter how short. Sharing your passion with others will help you make and find the time to do the things you love! It will also bring you joy in ways you could never expect.
The second part of this question really stuck out to me. Encouraging people to embrace their passions is something I'm very, well, passionate about. :) I truly believe that God has given each of us gifts and talents for a reason: to make us happy. When we're happy others around us feel that and our passions can reach out to others in ways that make them happy and perhaps even encourage them to reach out themselves. But in a busy world, it can be hard to find time for those passions.
First, I'll tell you what I do. It is by no means perfect and doesn't always work out, even for me! But when it does, I find that I can get time for the needful and the fun in life. I try to get up earlier than my children so I'll have at least half an hour to do my yoga and center my day. For me this helps me get into the frame of mind I need to work with my three children and do the things I need to. When I'm focusing heavily on a project, as I have been with The Ultimate Prince Charming this month, I do half-hour sprints. My kiddos know what these are and love them! We work together for half an hour (I use my cell phone to set an alarm for us) on housework and chores. When the alarm goes off, they are released for half an hour of playtime in their room while I spend half an hour writing. We repeat this throughout the day as often as I need to reach my goals. When my children are having ornery days, and yes they do have them, I tend to stay up late making up lost time on my goals. But I try to make sure that I have a set bedtime for myself too. After all, staying up all night is not going to make me a happy mommy when my children wake up after their full night of sleep. ;) I do have a work desk in the nook off my room. When I need it to be extra quiet, I work there. Otherwise, I take my laptop into the living room where I can hear what my children are doing but still be on my own.
And now for the advice. This is just based on my experience and what has worked for me. So share it if you want, toss it out, tweak it, find what works for you. That's probably the very first piece of advice: find what works for you and your children (or whomever and whatever takes your time).
1) Get your children involved if possible. Unless your passion is something that would be potentially dangerous to them (chainsaw carving for instance), getting your children involved will do two things for you: a) it gives you time to do what you love with people you love and b) it helps them discover some of their own passions. I love baking and no one in my house (at the moment) loves that more than my son, Gary. If I'm getting ready to make something he insists that I wait for him to get his chef's coat (Thanks again, Mom. He loves it!) so he can bake too. He's discovered a love for cooking and I encourage that. I also involve my children in my writing, when I can. Together we're working on "The Adventures of Berry and Emerald." They're learning to love stories and storytelling as they make decisions about what our princess and her pet dragon are doing. Whatever your passion is, find a way to let your children explore it with you. It really is a win-win!
2) Have a code word/phrase for your children that lets them know you need some time to do your thing. My kiddos all know when I say, "Time for Mommy to do a writing sprint!" that they need to give me some time to write on my own. It took a while for them to figure it out, but consistency is key. I always tell them, "Time for Mommy to do a writing sprint." They've learned that means I'm going to set an alarm and until the alarm goes off, they need to let me be as much as possible. I still get interrupted with "He hit me," "She took my toy," "I'm hungry," and other common complaints. But for the most part they do their best to give me the time I've requested. They also think it's our big secret that Mommy gets that writing time, which has led them to believe that my writing time is special.
3) It is important that you set some kind of time limit for yourself. Half an hour has worked well for me, but depending on your children and what you're going to be doing you may need to adjust that time. You don't have to limit yourself to once a day, but having time limits helps you to be able to get other things done and also lets your children know that your "Me-time" isn't going to last forever.
4) Make your passion your "job." When I first really started to make time during the day to write, it was hard for my toddlers to understand what I was doing. So I turned writing into my job. They knew that Daddy had to go to work during the day. But they also knew that Daddy had to do certain things before he went to work. So I would have them watch me do my hair, put on my "work" shoes, and gather up my materials (in my case pens, notebooks, highlighters, etc.). I would give them a hug and a kiss and say, "I'm going to work now. Time for Mommy to do a writing sprint! I love you!" I made sure they knew exactly where I was, but I also made it clear that I was busy. I still got interrupted, but it helped them understand that I needed the time.
5) Celebrate finished projects together. It's hard to say who gets more excited when my proof copy arrives: My children or me. When you get a project finished, make it a big deal. My children love our "Mommy's done!" celebrations. We make their favorite dinner and dessert and have a great time. As they learn to associate those celebrations with your passions, they will become your cheerleaders. Gail loves to ask me how my writing is going.
6) Be prepared for off-days. No matter how wonderful your kiddos are, they are going to have off-days. Have a Plan B in place, even if Plan B means waiting for tomorrow. Sometimes they will need you more than your project will. These days go by so fast. While you shouldn't put off your passions indefinitely, be okay with missing a few days here and there. Ben is the most laid-back, easy-going baby I've had. But he has his clingy days. On those days I shrug, let go of the day's goals and just focus on being Mommy. If he takes a nap and I can put him down, I work for as long as I can before he wakes up. But there are also days that I don't get any writing done and I'm okay with that. Mommy is my number one job. I tell stories to keep that passion going even when I can't write them down. But I try hard to make sure my priorities are where they need to be.
7) Share your passion! Whether you play an instrument, write, paint, draw, garden, do stand-up comedy, write music, etc. Whatever your passion is, share it with those around you. Having that "fan" base can help give you the motivation and inspiration you need. Each of you have made writing even more important to me as I get your notes of praise, encouragement and love. I can't begin to express how inspiring it is for me to get those notes, no matter how short. Sharing your passion with others will help you make and find the time to do the things you love! It will also bring you joy in ways you could never expect.
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