From a newly discovered section of the Dead Sea Scrolls:

-- or -- The genesis of Genesis.


"In the beginning, God created milk. And God saw it was good.

The next day He created cookies and breakfast cereal to go with it. And God saw it was good.

On the third day, He created the bowl and spoon to eat the milk-covered cereal with, because He was tired of the mess, and He created napkins, with which to wipe the cookie crumbs from His lips.

And He saw that it was good.

On the fourth day, He created the cookie jar with which to hold the leftover cookies, as well as the refrigerator because His milk was starting to taste funny.

And He saw that it was good, plus He liked the ice-maker; He thought that was pretty damn cool.

On the fifth day, He created soy milk, since He quickly realized He was lactose intolerant.

And He saw that it was good, though it took a little while to get used to the taste.

On the sixth day, He created the belch, because it just felt right.

On the seventh day, He wanted to rest, but the electricity went out and His fridge defrosted, spilling water all over the floor (which He must've created earlier but neglected to mention) and so He spent half the day on the phone with various refrigerator repair-folk, trying to get a decent quote, and the other half of the day waiting for them to show up (since they would only commit to a four-hour window) and God saw that this actually kind of sucked.

So He said 'Screw it,' scrapped the whole thing, and started over with that whole universe creation thing."