The Day I Realize I Don’t Love You
Dear Unbelieving Friend, Coworker, Person in my Daily Life,
I had an epiphany today. Does that ever happen to you? It sounds like a religious term but I’m sure people who don’t follow Jesus also have epiphanies.
Okay, I just Googled, “epiphany” and I’m right on both counts. An epiphany can mean a Christian festival commemorating the manifestation (appearance) of Christ to the gentiles. That’s the religious term and not what happened to me today.
OR an epiphany can be a sudden, intuitive perception or insight usually sparked by something commonplace. THAT’s what happened to me today – and what I’m sure could happen to you, too. (although, Jesus might appear to you, which would be cool and then you would have BOTH kinds of epiphanies, but I digress.)
Anyway, it happened as I sat around a conference table at work only half-listening to the presenter. As I surveyed the other meeting attendees, I realized something horrifying. Really, it bothered me. It occurred to me that I don’t love these people. Not any of them.
I like them. They’re nice enough. I wouldn’t wish any of them harm but I’m not losing sleep over their eternal destination. None. I see them at work. I interact with them at work. I leave them at work. Done.
I follow Jesus. I’m heading to heaven. The people close to me are going to heaven. Apparently, I’m good with that.
That’s not good.
The epiphany followed me through the day. Hello, coffee barista. I don’t love you. Hey there client, nope, no love for you either. Checkout clerk at the pharmacy I visit every few days? No. I don’t love you. Neighbor with whom I share daily pleasantries. Not an inkling of love for you at all.
In the past, I would have spent this day knocking my ability to witness, perusing books on evangelism, maybe looking up local workshops on sharing my faith. I might have prayed for boldness, courage, or confidence.
Today, though, because of the epiphany, I saw the real problem. It’s a crisis of love.
I’ve made sure that the people I love know the truth of Jesus Christ. My kids. My parents. My husband. My closest friends. My inner circle. My readers. My love for them is so great, I ignore fear. I would walk through fire to make sure they knew the truth of Jesus Christ.
And I’m not satisfied with them just “getting the gospel.” Oh no, I pray for and seek every opportunity to encourage them to go deeper with Jesus.
Anyway, that’s what I do for the people I love.
Not you people.
I’m apparently blissfully at peace having no concern over your eternal destination. You don’t know Jesus? You’re destined to be separated from God forever? Whatever.
Man, that’s cold. I am cold. Without love. Not a pretty picture. Charles Spurgeon once said, ““Every Christian is either a missionary or an imposter.” I looked in the mirror today and did not see a missionary. And that was my epiphany.
My love is not enough. I cannot serve as your ambassador to Jesus on my love alone. That’s why my evangelism runs on fumes. It’s not for lack of skills, it’s for lack of love. It’s the result of an empty love tank. It’s a love lapse.
If I loved you, I would rock as your missionary. If I loved you, I would scale the mountain of my fear, my insecurity, and my lack of confidence, to tell you about Jesus. If I loved you, my love would build a bridge from my heart to yours and the gospel would roll like a tank across that bridge to breach your walls. Oh yeah, if I loved you, you’d be hearing about Jesus.
So today, I prayed a new prayer:
Lord, fill me with Your love for the people in my daily life. My love is a pathetic counterfeit. My love pales. My love is afraid of its own shadow. Give me Your love and let Your love loosen my tongue and free me to witness from a place of strength – the launch pad of Your great heart. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
And, I know you don’t know Jesus but you may want to pray, too. Jesus is the Only way to eternal Life. The ONLY way. And if you lived in some other country, there would be missionaries who love you devoting themselves to communicating that truth to you.
You? You’re stuck with me. It’s not looking too good for you, my friend.
But, fortunately, today I had an epiphany and I prayed that prayer. Watch out now, because God’s love is coming after us both and His love never gives up.
Love (well, asking Jesus for love and expecting Him to answer),
Lori
This clip from an old episode of Seinfeld is meant to be funny but it remains a goad to me, a reminder that love acts, love speaks, love reaches out in the name of Jesus.
This was originally posted in June of this past year but with the current blog discussion, I felt it was apropos to repost. What are your thoughts on love? What is your love crisis? Is it over your love for the Lord – love for your neighbor – love for your enemy – love for the lost? Is your church teaching on love? What are you learning? I’m scheduling speaking engagements in June and beyond so reach out to me if you’re interested!
The Day I Realize I Don’t Love You http://t.co/Izpr20h1tR #loveisfromGod #GodisLove #amwriting #amwritingfaith #Jesus #evangelism
— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) April 19, 2015
