teach, learn, grow

Here I am looking carefree on my way to the salon when in reality, I was totally stressing out…

I’m not a control freak but when you live with anxiety, you do tend to over prepare. You try to think of every possible eventuality, and then you step into the classroom and all that planning flies right out the window! I think the best teachers are able to make endless adjustments—on the spot—but being spontaneous is hard for me. I’ve gotten some really great feedback about our salon last Saturday, but I left the Center feeling dissatisfied. We looked fabulous (group photos coming soon, I promise) and everyone was engaged, but the event didn’t unfold as I’d planned and I found it hard to just “go with the flow.” Then I had class with my middle graders on Monday and left feeling inadequate again. I sent the students an email reminding them to bring two drafts to class, but most of them didn’t get the email and so arrived empty handed. Only one student had a poem ready to share and we did do a brief critique, but that meant my carefully planned lesson wasn’t worth much. Several students had to leave early and so I had the remaining students do a collective list poem and then we hustled to clean up so the next class could come in. I tried out the mixer activity I used at the salon, and the students did seem to enjoy that. But now we only have one class left—will they produce enough writing to fill our proposed anthology? We have some great conversations but are the students getting anything out of this class? Why can’t I teach effectively in one hour? I’m realizing (too late, perhaps) that younger students need handouts and maybe more supervision, which means making time to write IN class. I am making adjustments but the class will be over by the time I figure out what works best. With my adult class, it’s a totally different experience. I left my Magic & Memory class last night feeling so exhilarated—we have a fantastic group of writers and everyone in the class seems open and engaged. I assigned Kindred for class but most people hadn’t finished reading it or weren’t able to get their hands on a copy. And you know what? That was ok because we were still able to have a topic-based conversation about neo-slave narratives, and not talking about the novel left us more time to share the poems they wrote last week. We took a break, had some snacks, and then continued thinking about home, belonging, and community as we read Maritcha Lyons’ account of the NYC Draft Riots. Maybe the middle graders are serving as guinea pigs—maybe testing lessons on them makes me more effective the second time around with my adult students. Maybe I just need to remember that this is a pilot program, and I’m learning valuable lessons that will strengthen the curriculum and improve outcomes for future students…

Ok, time to get back to this residency application (yes, another residency). And then I need to work on tomorrow’s faculty development seminar: “Using Journals in the Ethnic Studies Classroom.” Yes, the inadequate teacher is telling other educators how to teach more effectively!