Don’t Make Me Pull This Blog Over!

My young son accused me of being a “Klingon mom.”

Klingons are a warrior race on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Zack meant it as an insult. I wore it as a badge of honor.

Initially, I wasn’t good at loving my firstborn. I loved him and enjoyed receiving his love in return, so much so that I would back off my discipline and not set the clear boundaries a child needs in life. God graciously enlightened me, however, the day my toddler asked his father and me a serious question from the back seat of the car: “How come you guys never bow down to me?”

Clearly, a Gibbs slap from God. I was doing something seriously wrong.

But I learned because God is a good parent. By watching Him, I matured in my understanding of love.

My initial love for my son was immature and selfish. I soaked in the affection he had for me, but because I was insecure about losing the return on my love investment, I backed off from risking it, even for a short time of discipline.

That changed.

Fast forward two years. My little guy saw a package of stickers at the grocery store and WANTED them. I said no. He pushed me with both hands in the store aisle and insisted, “Yes!” That shove not only ended our shopping, it also lost him every toy in his room. That afternoon, we boxed up each action figure, stuffed animal, and Lego, items he was allowed to earn back one box at a time until he learned to appreciate what he had and not imagine he was entitled to more on demand.

“I don’t like you!” he shouted mid-process. “You hate me, don’t you? You’re like a Klingon mom! I’m gonna go live with another mom. A mom who really loves me.”

It’s not fun when your child doesn’t like you. It’s frustrating when he questions your love for him because you’ve set a line, stuck to your guns, or haven’t yielded to a demand. But, here is a true statement that may sound downright revolutionary in this day and age: Children do not know how to love.

Children are born with the capacity to love but they must be taught about love as they grow just as they must learn about all other aspects of life. Toddlers believe love is when someone gives them everything they want when actually, love gives them what they need while teaching them to want the right things.

Daily, I see the result of parents who offer their children only an immature, selfish love. Years ago, one father had young children who were so unruly that no one liked them – not even him. We sat with a worker from the state. “Do you realize, sir, I’m going to remove your children from your custody if you can’t get them in hand?”

The dad hung his head, “I just can’t be tough on them. I love them so much.”

The worker continued, “You’ve allowed them to get to a point where no one wants to be around them. Not even you. They’ve becoming mentally unhealthy and dangerous to others and they’re only in elementary school. Are you willing to work with someone to teach them to behave or will I have to remove them from your care?”

He wouldn’t look us in the eyes as he said, “Take them.”

That’s not love. Not the mature, healthy, full-grown love a child needs and deserves.

Too many of us expect God to love us the way this father “loved” his children. Giving us everything we want, turning a blind eye to our failings, repeating warning after warning about behavior but never following through with consequences.

Like spiritual toddlers, this is also the love we want to receive from one another. “I can’t be with Christians who don’t accept everything about me.” “I can’t worship with people who talk about hell, sin, or right and wrong.” “Jesus was all about love. I just want to be with people who love others and forget all this nonsense about sin.”

My son thought that he knew what love was. To him, love was me giving him whatever he wanted and letting him act the way he felt like acting. There were times when he, in his immaturity, withheld his affection from me to “teach me a lesson.” I learned to endure those times for his sake. The love I learned to offer him was a love that was willing to suffer – to make him uncomfortable for his own good. It was love with backbone. A love that can survive in a crazy world. A strong love that he knows will be there for him always.

He knows I love and accept him but he also knows that doesn’t mean I accept behavior that is beneath him. Neither does Jesus. He set us free FROM sin – not TO sin.

Jesus was clear that He didn’t come to abolish the law, He came to fulfill it. In the Sermon on the Mount, He essentially tells His listeners that Moses went easy on them! Moses told them not to murder but Jesus told them that if they’re angry with their brother, they’re already guilty. Moses told them not to commit adultery but Jesus said that if they lust after a woman, they’re already in sin. There was nothing accepting or inclusive about His statements. He died for us all but He demonstrated redemptive love not love that looks the other way.

I’ve received private messages and unsubscribes worried that because I’m blogging about love it may indicate I’m ready to waver on Biblical truth. Seriously, loved ones, don’t make me pull this blog over.

Clearly, we need to have a conversation about love. Love tells the truth. Love sets boundaries. Love is fierce, strong, powerful, and redemptive. Love doesn’t indulge or give its children away. Love stays and does the hard work of raising them.

It’s easy to talk tough about the call to love our enemies but if we can’t love the person in the next pew, maybe we’re clinging to a lesser love than the one to which we’ve been called. How will you love a terrorist when you can’t love that weird lady who scowls or that kid who smacks her gum?

Love is our thing, people! God is love. Love comes from God. Love is His idea. Let’s talk about this and recover love from the hands of darkness. To know God is to know love – why aren’t we the go-to experts on love?

Does the topic of love make you nervous? Pay attention to that. Love – true love – is downright unsettling. What does that say about where we are as a church if it’s controversial to talk about love? We need to have this conversation – now.

Maybe I will pull over. Let’s talk.

I love to meet readers of the blog! If I’m speaking near you, come on out and let’s chat in person! I’ll be at the Christian Author Meet and Greet in Methuen, MA on Saturday, April 25, at First Baptist Church of Narragansett Women’s Event on Saturday, May 2nd, and at Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference May 17-21. More events to be announced soon! I’d love to visit you.  I’m booking now for June and beyond. Visit my speaking page and we’ll chat!

Don’t Make Me Pull This Blog Over! http://t.co/gFONWATFJn #Godislove #loveindangeroustimes #amwriting #amwritingfaith #Jesuslovesme

— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) April 18, 2015