Warning: Rick Steves Guidebooks Can Be Very Dangerous! (Please Help Me Be Funnier)

 

In an effort to add some whimsy to the stiff legalese on the copyright page of our guidebooks, for years I’ve inserted a little attempt at humor into the “we accept no responsibility for injury sustained by anyone using this guidebook” line. I think these could be much funnier, and I would love some help.

Here’s a list of the lines currently used in each of our guidebooks. If you can improve on any of these, fire away! Please name the book, and limit your comment to 2-3 words — for example, “Czech Republic, stinky cheese.”

Amsterdam & the Netherlands: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad herring, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Barcelona: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, soggy tapas, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Belgium: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad chocolate, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Best of Europe/Europe Through the Back Door: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, loose stools, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Budapest: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad goulash, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Croatia and Slovenia: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad burek, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Eastern Europe: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad borscht, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
France/Provence/Paris: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, soggy crêpes, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Germany: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad strudel, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Great Britain/England/London: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, mushy peas, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Ireland: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, rotten potatoes, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Istanbul: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad baklava, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Italy/Rome/Florence/Venice: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, overcooked pasta, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Mediterranean/Northern European Cruise Ports: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, seasickness, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Portugal: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad cod, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Prague: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad beer, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Scandinavia: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, bad herring, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Scotland: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, kilt malfunction, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Spain: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, soggy paella, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Switzerland: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, cold fondue, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.
Vienna: they accept no responsibility for loss, injury, stale strudel, or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book.

Thanks a lot!