Crispflavour���s Badger Roasting Hour
Spongecake Crispflavour is, of course, not only a celebrity TV chef, she is also the UK���s leading presenter of live wildlife programmes. However, her recent attempt to combine the two in a TV series was short-lived. It ended after only two episodes, following numerous complaints about her weasel in red wine casserole. Crispflavour is, of course, no stranger to controversy and outrage. As many critics like to point out to tedious excess, her badger roasting stunts have been compared many times to the attitude of the Top Gear presenters towards caravans. In fact, Crispflavour herself has often said that she wanted to do for wildlife documentaries and cookery shows what Top Gear has done for cars, by making them almost interesting to ordinary viewers.
Despite credible viewing figures, wildlife programmes, especially on the BBC, have been stuck in the doldrums for decades. Their only real recent innovations were concerned with making a fetish over how their cameramen manage to fake��� create the stunning imagery used by the programmes. This camerawork is essential to win the awards and overseas sales necessary to keep their franchises running.
It was a mark of Crispflavour���s genius to see that both cookery programmes and wildlife programmes were both stuck in their own creative ruts. Her masterstroke came when she decided to combine both genres of programme. However, these days most people think that food, rather than coming from the countryside, somehow grows in supermarkets inside plastic containers.
A recent survey, for example, of the British public found that over 87% of them thought the countryside was there only to ���look scenic���. Most people, in fact, these days think the main purpose of the British countryside is to provide a bucolic TV background. Mainly against which various improbably contrived murders can take place, ideally in some nostalgic era of the near past. For this, they believe the English village background is ideal. Many also consider that the countryside is very useful for making the tasteful but dull calendars used in the workplace and for birthday cards for older relatives with no sense of humour.
There are even some who think that the countryside is very useful for keeping apart the main urban areas and cities. They also feel it spaces out the motorway service stations on long car journeys. Although, surveys say most British people would not consider venturing out into the countryside for fear of werewolves or roaming psychopaths seeking a starring part in a rural detective series.
Consequently, Crispflavour thought it would be good to show that food is actually a living product of the countryside. She wanted to show that wild animals themselves, rather than just being�� walk on bit part actors in those rural scene calendars and birthday cards are in fact often, quite tasty.
However, her Crispflavour���s Badger Roasting Hour was not the success or revelation she hoped it would be. The BBC later admitted they had not had so many complaints from upset and disturbed viewers since the last time they���d tried to infiltrate Janet Street-Porter into a popular celebrity panel game.
Consequently, Crispflavour herself has now promised her many fans in a televised apology, that she will not cook wild animals on live TV anymore. At least, not until those animals are certified totally cuteness-free by a panel of independent experts and properly packaged in a supermarket plastic container.
