Sunday column: What’s your story edition

Today’s column is online here, and I really liked both questions: one from someone wondering about thanking veterans, another from a person who does professional talks and is wondering what to say to the organizers who put her up at a really terrible hotel.

The woman who wrote the question about veterans was an older person who had recently read an articles about veterans not wanting to be thanked–this one, I suspect, although there have been many more. Rather than get into veteran-specific issues, I took a broader look at the question:

As a general rule, it’s bad manners to single people out for attention based on what they look like or are wearing. This principle applies not only to uniformed soldiers but also to pregnant women, people with assistive devices, hijabis, mixed-race families, and the like. Just because a person looks conspicuous doesn’t mean he or she wants to be the center of attention. Just because you think you can tell what another person’s story is doesn’t mean you can.

I have a sense that this is a somewhat recent etiquette belief, and one where you may see a gender difference. Among people who care about manners and ethics to begin with, my sense is that younger folks are more likely to agree with the sentiment above, and to believe that it’s a major point of etiquette not to make assumptions about people. Older people are more likely to believe that it’s an act of friendliness and human concern to respond to another person’s Navy uniform, leg cast, or pregnant belly with some words of thanks, condolences, congratulations, or so on.

Does this seem like a generational shift to you? Again, I’m talking about people who care about being socially correct in the first place (not just people who are looking for an excuse for their excessive nosiness or disinterest in their fellow humans).

(Incidentally, if any of today’s column looks familiar to you, that’s because it came out online earlier this week–the magazine puts out some features early when they have a big issue, which they have today. Nothing’s changed.)