What I Learned (Again) About Grief, Pain, and Healing
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It’s amazing how many times I have to “learn” something.
Recently, I traveled to Colorado Springs and joined friend and New York Times Bestseller Cecil Murphey for a radio taping with Focus on the Family. The topic was healing from childhood sexual abuse.
I hadn’t spoken on abuse in a while, but I live with the results every day. The pain is there, right under the surface, waiting for a trigger. In this case, I would be doing the triggering, deliberately going back into all that…again.
As my wife Jen and I were driving up to Colorado, I asked myself, “Why am I doing this?”
The answer came quickly: healing.
A Journey of Healing
Ironically, the 800 mile route went through my hometown. We got off the highway and drove to the house I grew up in, where much of the abuse happened. As I parked in front, grief and pain washed over me. Yet the house didn’t look as big as I remembered.
Then we drove across town to find another “house of horrors” from my childhood. It was gone, an empty lot in its place. I could almost see its shadow still looming there.
The next morning before the interview, I had an anxiety attack. I knew what was happening. My mind and body were preparing to go “back there” again.
The people at Focus were wonderful. Their hospitality and kindness put my heart at ease. Halfway through the interview, the pain hit and the tears came, followed quickly by a strong sense of the love of God and other people in my life. I saw again all I had been rescued out of.
On the return trip, we stopped at my dad’s grave. Emotion gushed out of every pore, even though he’s been gone almost 40 years. Of course, the grief wasn’t just about dad. Grief is never that simple.
We arrived home drained, but encouraged.
Six Things I Learned about Grief and Healing…Again
Through this experience, I was reminded of some truths about grief and healing:
Healing takes guts. It’s scary and painful. Facing life as it is takes courage.
Some wounds heal, but the scars remain. And they hurt when life bumps them. These scars say, “It happened, and it mattered.”
Healing takes time. It’s more a journey than a destination. To see healing as anything but a lifelong adventure only sets us up for frustration and disappointment.
Healing occurs as pain is processed. Each time we talk, share, and write, we heal a little more. Others hear, decide they’re not alone or crazy, and begin to believe healing is possible. It’s a win-win.
Healing happens as we turn our pain outward. Extraordinary things occur when we intentionally help others heal while we ourselves are hurting. We can use our grief instead of letting it rule us.
Healing is worth it. The benefits along the way are astonishing – for us, those we love, and those we haven’t even met yet.
As we heal, pain’s grip weakens. Our grief house won’t seem as large or daunting as it once did. Perhaps one day we’ll find a clean, empty lot where our pain used to be.
In the meantime, we help each other heal – moment-by-moment, day-by-day.
Healing is possible, and it’s closer than we think.
NEWS POINTS:
Gary and Cecil’s interview will air on Focus on the Family radio May 19-20 and will be streamed live on Focus’ website.
Thanks to you, Gary’s new book, Heartbroken , became an Amazon Top 10 Bestseller (Grief and Loss). If you don’t have it, grab your copy on Amazon or a personalized copy from Gary here .
