How I Reckon Writing Got Invented

It is said that the history of all Western writing began with the Phoenicians, a group of people who taught the idea to the Greeks.
What no one knows is who this fist Phoenician was.
I don’t know either, but this one thing I am willing to bet. I bet this Phoenician was a talker. Yes, I bet this chap (or chap-ess) just followed their long-suffering family around yapping and yapping and yapping. In the end someone (probably the mum) would have just snapped at shrieked at the young yapping Phoenician “WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!” to which the undefeatable yapping Phoenician would have said “but mum, I don’t know HOW to shut up! I mean, I just LOVE talking SO much!” Then the mum probably said “WELL THEN FIND A WAY TO TALK SILENTLY!” and that blister of family peace would have wandered outside with a stick and found a patch of mud and invented an alphabet and started speaking silently.
Yes, on such fragile strands do hang all of human civilization.
Now you’re probably wondering how I came up with this COMPLETELY ingenuous hypothesis. Well, it’s simple really. When I was a young little Kiwi way down in New Zealand, I was a talker. I used to follow my poor old mum around and around the house until she (poor thing) would BEG me to be quiet. Fortunately for our relationship (and the health of her ears) I eventually discovered how to talk silently. In fact, that’s really why I’ve become a writer. It enables me to talk continuously without driving my dear old family completely mad.
Of course a lot of people don’t guess this. “An author!” they cry—impressed—when I tell them what I do “how ever did you get into that!?”
I just cast my eye to a muddy patch of earth with sticks lying about it, think of the ancient yapping Phoenician and wink.