Today is April Fools Day and The First Day of The Month. God, what a day it’s going to be!

Of course I could spin some story about zombies really existing because it was reported in some tiny backwater country that a virus had gotten out and was making people eat each other and then jump up and say, April Fool’s Day.

Or I could pinch and punch you because it’s the first day of the month but then I thought, that could be seen as assault.

Or I could just ask everyone for their best April Fools gags and how many people they can pinch and punch before noon. So go ahead, tell me.