Six Uses for Palm Branches During Church that the Church Never Intended

In which

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T-R-O-U-B-L-E

Our pastor began Palm Sunday Mass by saying: “Good morning! Welcome on Palm Sunday! The church cleaners always fuss at me about cleaning the church after we’ve had palm branches. So please don’t play with them!” Things my kids did with palms during church yesterday

6. Phantom pokes on my scalp and near-misses to the corner of my eye with sharp ends of palm branches.

5. Fights over whose palm cross belonged to whom.

4. Palm crosses coming unfolded to general wails.

3. Palm branches nearly smacking the choir member beside me in the face. (cough-Julianna!-cough)

2. A growl from Alex to Michael when Michael slammed down a heavy choir hymnal on top of a palm cross. (My reply: “Alex. Jesus is dying on the cross. I really don’t think he cares if a palm cross gets crushed.”)

1. And finally, my favorite: the Palm Cross as Baseball Bat. Yes, Nicholas, I’m looking at you.

File this one under the category of my mother’s voice saying, “Yes, there were many Masses when you girls were young that we didn’t get much out of.”