Twilight - Simplified

So, I was thinking, everyone practically knows about Twilight, but how many have actually read it? WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!! Here's what happened throughout the book!

Bella gets transported to her dad's sleepy-no-sun town because her mom decides to have a new life with her new husband. Poor Bella. She didn't even know that her mom had actually tricked her into making the decision to go stay with her dad. Most teens are stupid that way. She meets her dad, who is the town's sheriff and is grateful that he doesn't hover. She's one messed up kid!

She goes to school in an old pick up truck and is instantly famous. No, not because of the truck. Because her dad's the sheriff! Oh, the truck was purchased from Jacob the werewolf's dad. Bella becomes the new toy in school. She sees Edward and starts biting her lips. Actually, she gives him creepy stares. 

Edward: We can't be friends. 
Bella: Why not? Let's hang out!
Edward: Because I want to eat you!
Bella: I don't mind. You're beautiful. 
Edward: Stay away.
Bella: But you're beautiful.

He saves her from a bunch of loons and tells her he can't read her mind. Instead of freaking out that he's a mind reader, she gets sad that he can't read her. She feels that there is something wrong with her. Told you she's one messed up kid. 

Edward: You have to stay away from me.
Bella: But you're so beautiful. 
Edward: Stop it Bella!
Bella: I can't. You're so beautiful! 
Edward: I glow like diamonds, for God's sake!
Bella: Does that mean I can pawn you off?
Edward: Geez, are you always this dumb?
Bella: What gave it away?

Edward invites Bella to play baseball with his vampire family and Bella is overjoyed to be in the presence of so many bloodthirsty vampires! I keep telling you, she's messed up!

Edward: We can't do this.
Bella: But you're beautiful. I want you.
Edward: Fine! But don't blame me if I eat you.
Bella: I don't care. I love you Edward. You're beautiful.

Edward and his family kill the vampire who almost turned Bella and Edward takes her to prom. 

Bella: Turn me too.
Edward: Why?
Bella: Because I wanna look as beautiful as you.
Edward: Can't you just be happy the way you are?
Bella: I wanna be beautiful too!
Edward: Not yet. I still wanna be the beautiful one here.
Bella: Fine! 

THE END!