Ten Random Things I’ve Learned
One It’s worth it to pay 15 euros extra for the semi-permanent nail polish.
This is a full week later!
Two It’s hard to take a flattering shot of your hands when you’re over forty.
Three You can, and should, replace the cutlery basket for your dishwasher with a generic substitute when you realise that – for more than a year – you’ve been wasting time arranging your silverware like a puzzle, in order to prevent the forks and knives from slipping through the holes in the basket, and blocking the water jets.
Four You will most likely be unable to find a generic substitute for the coffee carafe you broke, and you know why? It’s because the company wants you to buy a new coffee machine. And if you buy the 200 euro massive espresso machine, (a replica of the one in the cafés), instead of the expensive 1000€ one, it will start leaking before the winter is out.
Five These cold wax strips:
do not work as well as the clear cold wax strips, which no longer seem to be available anywhere. How could you Sally Hansen? How could you?
Oh what, these? No, they’re for a friend.
Six If you don’t have a meat tenderiser, a rolling pin will do the trick. And it’s best to attempt this when you’re feeling particularly frustrated.
(For sanitary reasons, think about pouring some boiling water over it and the cutting board before washing them).
Seven Your kids will still not like the chicken parmesan, no matter how enthusiastically you bash the meat because it doesn’t contain any preservatives.
Eight If you invite a florist over for dinner, he’s going to bring you plants.
More lavender!
I don’t know what this is!
Nine Just because you love your story, and think it’s totally the kind of story you would want to read, doesn’t mean any of the agents will love it. Four rejections so far – four queries still out there. And I’ll probably try more than just eight agents.
But this brings to mind where I’ve been remiss in my rush to get ready for the Pitch Madness contest. Does anyone want to be a beta reader for my book? (Some of you have already been beta readers for the first 2/3 of it, but I never published the ending). What does this entail, you ask? Well, reading it and not sharing the file with anyone else for privacy sake. And then:
a) Helpful: Read it like a published story and only highlight any glaring grammatical errors or typos in red, and send me your general impressions (weak parts, holes in the plot, unbelievable dialogue).
b) Very Helpful: Doing all of the above, and also highlighting dialogue or sentences that you think I should consider revising. You can give suggestions or just highlight it and let me figure it out.
c) Not Necessary, but Who Am I to Say No? If you can’t read it without fine-tooth combing the book and catching every errant comma and other mistakes, etc. you will earn my undying gratitude. However, that is only if you have time and inclination, of course.
If you are willing to do a, b, or c, let me know in the comments and I’ll send it to you. 
And Ten? Well … lists where you have to have “ten things” in order to call it a list are highly overrated.
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